There are basically 7 stages of grief, going through these stages are normal and the emotions may be different for each person. They are all hard, and they take time you just don’t go through them in a week or two, it may take several months even a year or possibly longer. Everyone is different, I think it may also have something to do with the relationship you have with this person, a parent, child, friend, grandparent, or spouse.
1. SHOCK AND DENIAL, I would say this would have be surely the first emotion that people feel. Well, at least that was my first emotion. You may feel like it is all a dream, or unsure how you feel. I also felt like everything was so foggy, like it wasn’t even real, yet I knew life was now forever changed. Numbness is another feeling you feel during this time. It is extremely possible to have all these emotions at once, this may last for several weeks, and it is completely normal.
2. PAIN AND GUILT, as the shock begins to to wear off and reality sets in, the pain that comes with it seems almost unbearable, this is a hard stage and you may feel that there is no end to your pain. You may even feel that no-one can understand your pain. I know that I could not describe the pain I was feeling, and it was and still is so hard.You may begin to have guilty feelings about things you may have said to this person even though it was years ago or something you didn’t do for this person. You may feel that you didn’t do enough for them, maybe they asked to go somewhere with them and you didn’t want to go and remembered how disappointed they were. It could be a number of things, like if I just would have done this they would still be here. The truth is there is, that they loved you and they wouldn’ want you to feel bad about anything. I know sounds a little text book. These feelings are completely normal and most everyone goes through them.
3. ANGER, Unbearable pain makes way for anger. You may feel anger towards the person that has passed away, “why did they die?” “why did they leave you?” How could they have done that?”
These are normal emotions, you may even begin to think about things they did while they were alive that made you mad or hurt your feelings. You may even find yourself blaming someone for your loved ones death. This emotion is a hard, your heart seems to get cold and hard during this time, and you may at times feel the overwhelming sadness along with anger.
4. DEPRESSION, LONELINESS AND REFLECTION, this may be a time when everyone thinks “OK, it’s now time for them to move on, it has been long enough” This will be the time that you begin to reflect back on them and your life with them and it will bring back a terrible depression and an overwhelming feeling of feeling lonely. You will find that you mind and thoughts will be on them every second of the day. I think this may the Real moment when you realize that you will now have to the world without them, and they are no longer there for you to call and talk to. This will be the time that you will find yourself wanting to be alone and not wanting to be around anyone or go anywhere, you may feel life isn’t fair. You may also find yourself thinking about their pain and there sorrows, along with yours. You may think how can life go one with out this person, you feel this because they were so important to your daily life. This stage takes a while to get through or it did for me, even after finally coming out of my room and trying to force myself to move on, the thoughts were with me every second, even in my dreams. It was hard for me even fake a smile. I felt so empty and lost.
5. THE UPWARD TURN, Some say your symptoms lessen so that you can move on, I don’t agree for most. I say you learn to go through the life’s motions and try to get your life more organized, so that you can function a little better. Your depression can be tucked a little under the rug or maybe you can hide it better. I know I just tried to keep it from my thoughts so I could function during the day. this was the time I even told myself they were on trip or vacation that was why they weren’t here. I know sounds absolutely crazy, but it got me through for a while. It helped me to get through a little longer for my children. so I am not sure about this upward turn. for some maybe it is, but those that it’s not just know that it’s normal you are losing your mind. many people cope with death of a loved one different.
6.WORKING THROUGH AND RECONSTRUCTING, during this time the fog begins to lift somewhat and you can begin to think more clearly and work through things. You can now somewhat pull your own life back together, Now i am not saying by all means the pain is gone,because it surly isn’t the pain is still real and still there, You just are now somewhat able to function with a more clear head. you will begin to rationalize how to live without this person, and that you will be OK. Getting to this point may take months, It took me almost a year to get here. so time is different for everyone, but I do promise you will get here.
7. ACCEPTANCE AND HOPE, This is the stage where you really come to accept that your loved one is gone and will no longer be with you here on earth anymore. this surly does not mean that you are happy again, it just means that you have now accept what has happened. with all the pain that you have gone through you will never be same person again. This was a tragedy that has changed your life forever, whether you view life in a different way, see things differently , but you will be always changed by this experience. During this stage you begin to find yourself planning for the future again, able to have memories of this person and laugh somewhat about the things they did.