Why A Man Won't Emotionally Commit And Patterns Of Withdrawal!

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Why A Man Won’t Emotionally Commit

One of the most common situations women ask about is what Is call Predictable Male Withdrawal. If you’ve had any experience with men and dating, then you already know what this is. I’ll take a second to explain exactly what this is and why it’s important…

When you’re first dating a man he’s often attentive, affectionate, and willing to do anything to stay close to you. He’s emotionally “open” and fully engaged with you. He talks about his life, his feelings, and he wants to know everything about you and yours. He wants to keep sharing with you and make sure that you both have one incredible experience after another with each other.

But then it happens…

At some point there’s a “shift” that you can sense in him, and from then on he’s frequently unable or unwilling to emotionally engage and be present with you. His openness and curiosity fades. He rarely if ever wants to talk about how you’re feeling or your relationship. He seems sunken back into himself. And after a while you find yourself wondering and worrying about what’s going on since you don’t know what’s going on inside him. It feels like you’re the only one paying the relationship any attention.

Of course, pointing this out and asking a man what’s going on when he starts pulling away like this will only add to the issue. His irritated or distant responses to your attempts at connecting with him seem to confirm the worst and make you feel less comfortable and confident around your relationship.

Knowing this about men, or having experienced it first hand, let me ask you a question…

Wouldn’t it be great to know what a man was going to be like inside a relationship before fully opening your heart to him? Wouldn’t it be good to know if a man was going to be the kind of guy who was going to withdraw in this way or not, and what to do about it in case he was?

Understanding Men And Patterns Of Withdrawal

There’s a hard truth about dating men and finding the right man and relationship. It’s that a man either won’t tell you, or doesn’t know, if he’s a “Withdrawer” and what he’ll really be like once you’re in a relationship together.

For example, a man would NEVER say to a woman-

“I’m looking for a committed relationship… but the truth is that I’m not 100% emotionally available. If we were together I’d make our relationship feel like an emotional rollercoaster by periodically pulling away from you. You wouldn’t ever know if I’m coming or going. But hey… want to go out sometime?”

Part of the beauty of online dating is that right from the start you’re able to get a rich sense of the man you’re connecting with.

But there’s still something important to know once you meet and feel that magic connection and attraction with a guy-

Will he ultimately be the kind of man who grows more loving and open with you as your relationship grows?


Like some men… will he be the kind of man who periodically withdraws, pulls away, and brings up feelings of uncertainty that don’t make you your best?

There are any number of reasons why a man withdraws, and most of these can be categorized under three main headings. Let’s talk about these reasons a man pulls away, and how you can respond if he does.

1) He’s Lost Interest

This is pretty much the worst-case scenario for your relationship: when your man withdraws because he’s become disenchanted with how things are going between you two. Maybe he’s found some fundamental incompatibilities between you, or maybe he’s simply decided that you aren’t exactly what he’s looking for. He might have even met someone else who has captured his interest.

Whatever the specific reason, if your man is withdrawing because he’s doubting the future of your relationship, you probably ought to begin to face the fact that this may not be your one, true, love. We’re not saying it’s impossible for a guy to overcome his doubts about you or the relationship once they crop up. But usually, once those doubts become so strong that it makes him pull away and become distant, it’s often too late to salvage something strong and long-lasting.

2) He feels Rushed

This scenario isn’t nearly as bad as the first one. Yes, it has the potential to doom the relationship. But there are steps you can take to turn things around.

Your man may be withdrawing because he feels like you’re pressuring him to move the relationship along more quickly than he’s comfortable with. If this is the case, there’s a clear and obvious step you need to take: back off. Give him space, and allow things to progress at a speed that’s more comfortable for him. You might even think about directly communicating with him, and explaining that you didn’t mean to put pressure on him, and that you’re happy to allow things to progress more slowly. Offering space won’t always turn things around, but it often will.

We know it’s hard, when you really like someone, to pull back instead of rushing forward with everything you feel in your heart. But if your man is withdrawing because he’s feeling rushed, then you have to let things calm down and create the opportunity for the relationship to develop at a pace that feels good for both of you. (And keep in mind, playing hard-to-get is a tried and true strategy that’s been effective for centuries!)

3) He’s afraid

This third reason a man withdraws is likely the most hopeful one for you. Your man may be withdrawing based on fear. Maybe he’s been hurt in the past. Or maybe the idea of commitment simply petrifies him.

The good news is that whatever fear is motivating your significant other to pull away from you, it can often be overcome. If you two can discuss whatever the issue is and begin to deal with it, there’s a good chance that you can then begin to create something real and lasting together.

Yes, there’s a chance that he’s simply unwilling – or unable – at this point to move forward towards a committed relationship. But often, fears crop up in a relationship because a person wants to deal with those doubts and move past them. If you can be a steady, reassuring partner that isn’t pushing too hard, while he deals with what’s scaring him, you two just might build a foundation together that will lead to years and years of happiness.

The truth is that too many great women get into relationships with men who seem great at first, only to find that this man is predictably distant and withdrawn at the worst of times.


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