or….I Can Too Walk, Talk & Chew Gum
Hold on to your hats kiddies, N.J. has decided to ban texting while walking! Yup, cops in one town will be issuing jaywalking tickets for these dastardly offenders. It can be annoying, most definitely, to have someone crash into you while casually strolling along, it would be most distressing too, I imagine, to flatten one of these dolts when they walk in front of your car. $85.00 is the fine, so as Bill Engvall would say…here’s your sign! Using one’s brain or thinking gives us a leg up on animals, right? So armed with that logic, look only down at a tiny keyboard while in the middle of traffic. These people are the reason for such ridiculous disclaimers as: Do Not Use While Showering (hairdryer), Do Not Eat (“peanut”filler in packing crates), Do Not Use On Teeth (power drill), Do Not Wear On Head/or While Sleeping (plastic garment bags). What cracks me up most is these are in place because of all the nutso’s out there. Somewhere along the line a silly Sally or Ned the nincompoop, actually drank the damn kool-aid!!. Coffee so hot …burned myself… sue Dunkin’ Donuts! I got fat from drinking Pepsi 72 times a day…sue them. Ahhh America’s mantra! But the lawmakers have trouble deciding ….nope… said I wasn’t gonna go there today!
Let’s talk about food. Initially that was to be the subject. Food shows in particular, “Chow Ciao” being a favorite of mine. Can’t quite decide if Fabio is gearing it more to men or if it is just his (very adorable) manner of speaking…it’s always “you guys” and “do this for your lady”. Paula Deen has given us sooo many delicious recipes albeit most fattening. (look where it’s gotten her) Rachel Ray, always racing the clock. Giada …yummy, although I don’t know why I ever trusted her enough to test, skinny biatch. It matters not whether I love to eat more than I love to cook. So anyone giving me an idea means I run madly away with it. (although not in the street while texting stolen recipes to my friends). Once upon a time the only way to communicate was speaking face to face, recipes written out and handed over to a novice cook. Watching the expressions as the realization hit that touching that dead meat was the only way it would become dinner, priceless!
I know there are many more significant things to talk about. Much of it is tragic, you are all quite sadly aware of bodies left on the roadside in Mexico, children starving all over the world…good ole USA included & yet I decide to write about food…yes. I could very easily jump on a soap box every day & scream about indignities, famines, filthy water and how we are destroying our world. Unfortunately, it would be little more than ranting for me and who would want to read the ravings of a mad woman…oh wait, you are reading, right now as a matter of fact! (You’re not driving are you?) I tend to make fun of things in general because that is how I am ..a seriously funny girl! Someone falls down the stairs possibly fracturing a bone….I laugh. Show me a picture of third world children drinking dirty water…I say, ‘but look, her ears are pierced”. Something makes me nervous… I laugh, see an injustice… I want to sob, just don’t happen to think crying helps, so I make a stupid joke (or write a blog, perhaps nudging someone more capable).
Remember “Comic Aid”? Robin Williams, Billy Chrystal, Whoopie Goldberg and a host of others raised money for the worlds charities all by being funny. (Nooo, I am most decidedly not comparing myself to these jokesters.) That my friends is communication!!
Sean Penn, lugging heavy sacks of food, John Travolta flying said sacks in his plane, Brad Pitt helping to rebuild N’awlins. The need for role models & heroes is real putting aside whatever else is heard about them, I can very easily set these celebs up on a pedestal.
We do need diversions as the world is still in need of repair, thinking only of despair & destruction will certainly make us loony.
So make yourself a scrumpdeliicious (Dairy Queen?) sandwich, big enough for two, call afriend and watch a funny movie. After satisfying that hunger, you’ll be armed with a better outlook and maybe remember to shut off running water while brushing your teeth! (see now that is helpful, saves your water bill & countless gallons of the world’s precious reserve)
….and oh, by the way, the Dalai Lama is paranoid, believes China is poisoning him… don’t hate me, but couldn’t his re-incarnation maybe save us all! (see …irreverent to the end)
th- th- th- that’s all folks! …any thoughts to share?
Have a fabulous day!