Wife: If I dismiss the cook and make the food myself for a month, what will
you pay me?
Husband: I won’t have to pay you, you’ll get my entire insurance amount.
Two men r talking. 1st: I got married coz I was tired of eating out,
cleaning the house, doing the laundry & wearing shabby clothes.
2nd: Amazing, I just got divorced for the very same reasons
Police arrested a drunkard & asked: Where r u going?
Man: I’m going 2 listen lecture on ill effects of drinking.
Cop: Who’ll lecture at midnight?
Man: My wife…
What’s the diff between Complete & Finished?
If you find good wife u r complete otherwise u r finished.
Before marriage: Roses are red, sky is blue. U r beautiful, I love u.
After marriage: Roses are dead, I’m blue. U r my headache, one day I’ll
Q: Why do women live longer than men?
A: Shopping never causes heart attacks, but paying the bill does!
It was at a party and the host was getting worried because there were too many people and not enough refreshments.
She was sure that not all of these people had been invited but didn’t know how to tell which ones were the crashers. Then her husband got an idea….
He turned to the crowd of guests and said “Will everyone from the bride’s side of the family stand up please?” About twenty people stood.
Then he asked ” Will everyone from the groom’s side of the family stand up as well?” About twenty five people stood up.
Then he smiled and said, ‘Will everyone who stood please leave. This is a birthday party.’