The whole relationship has been altered radically after cheating. Everything you may have taken for granted is now called into question. For example there were times when you would not have given a second thought when your mate informed you they’d be working late. With the economy being what it is you just accepted the fact they were telling the truth.
But now after unfaithfulness you’re not so sure. Every time the wife or husband tells you they will be working overtime your thoughts start racing along. Are they telling the truth or are they out there fooling around? At this point there is absolutely no way to be certain. You want to but what happened before is making that extremely difficult.
Your mate says that they fully understand your worries and will do whatever is necessary to fix the marriage following infidelity. That is fine but words are meaningless. The issue is just how dedicated are they to follow through.
Here are a few guideposts you should use to gauge exactly how sincere they are.
Following unfaithfulness one of the things which needs to change is openness. In other words the two-timing husband or wife should be significantly more clear when it comes to their interactions with you. Secretiveness (which is a vital component of having a marital affair) must stop once and for all. In the event your husband or wife states they’re working late then they must prove it.
This can denote anything from checking in with you while they are in the office to showing you their paycheck which should confirm the amount of hours they spent on the job. It may encompass doing both. That might sound like overkill but the the thing to remember is after an affair your spouse has to demonstrate that they are being transparent when it comes to their dealings with you.
2. Really Getting It
Whenever you convey your concerns to your mate after infidelity do you sense they’re listening attentively and are willing to do whatever it takes to help alleviate those fears? Or do you get the feeling they can’t wait for you to shut up? Sometimes it does not have to be body language. Their words are dismissive in tone or they are not paying attention at all. You sense they are somewhere else and are just going through the motions until you finish saying what you have to say.
In other cases it is concerning the steadiness of effort. Your spouse may start off like there’s no tomorrow doing whatever needs to be done to help fix the marriage after betrayal. Yet somewhere down the road their efforts get much more erratic or simply stops completely. That may be a clear signal that their level of dedication isn’t exactly what it needs to be.