It took awhile yet in the end your spouse confessed they were having an extramarital affair. No surprise this news hit you pretty hard. You had no idea something was happening and truth to tell that’s exactly how it should be. You did not marry this person so you could spend your life wondering if they were being faithful to you. Like you they stood before witnesses and swore to be faithful.
Now suddenly the real truth emerges that they haven’t been living up to their part of the marriage contract. Your spouse is adamant when it comes to apologizing and asking you to please forgive them. In addition they promise to do whatever it takes in order to repair the trust that has been destroyed due to their philandering.
At this stage you have got several things to decide including do you want to continue the relationship. But if you want to weather the storm of this marital affair there are a number of issues you must stay away from.
1. Surrendering Your Own Self-Worth
What your spouse did was dreadful and wounded you deeply. Nonetheless don’t let them destroy your self-esteem by falling apart completely.
They deserve a lot of things however shattering you beyond repair is not on the list. Pray for that strength you know is inside of you. This doesn’t mean you can’t have a good cry but do not give your spouse the pleasure of doing away with your self-respect.
2. The Refusal To Let It Go
It’s It is more than okay to ask yourself why your spouse did what they did. It is quite another to keep clinging to it. Your mate was unfaithful and no matter what you tell yourself there comes a moment when you have to accept this simple fact. Too often the victim of unfaithfulness tries to tell themselves it is just a horrible dream and things will return to normal. It will not and the only way to begin healing is to acknowledge this reality.
3. Not Deciding Your Next Move
You may need a period to process this kind of shocking news but the truth is you should also start looking at some of the options. You can’t roam around in a state of bewilderment forever. At some point you are going to have to make choices concerning not just about the marriage but how you’re going to get on with your life.
4. Permitting Others Decide Your Decisions
You can ask for guidance from your social circle of family and friends along with a shoulder to cry on. The error is allowing these folks to decide how you will proceed. That’s a cop out. They may have your best interest in mind but truth to tell only you can make the hard choices regarding your life. Letting other people to make a decision could put you in a place you truly do not want to be in which will only in the long run make you feel worse than what you already do.
5. Consuming You In Pity
Most of us at one time or another feel sorry for what has been done to us but wallowing in self-pity with no end in sight is not going to help matters. There comes a moment when you must face what happened and stop feeling sorry for you. Self-pity is not going to change the simple fact your mate had an affair. Remaining in it only postpones the healing process.
6. Confronting The Other Person
It might provide you some temporary satisfaction but for all intents and purposes it’s a study in futility. Are they at fault? Yup however the lion’s share of the blame belongs to your mate. If it had not been this person it would have been somebody else therefore don’t fritter away your time and effort fighting someone who’s not really worth your while.
7. Physical Violence
There was a news story recently of a wife who drove a considerable distance in order to kill her husband’s mistress. This really is beyond dumb. At this juncture the wife is probably going to the penitentiary for the remainder of her life and her cheating husband is just going to find somebody else.
Neither your mate or the individual they cheated with is worth getting locked up over. Yell, scream and if you must throw some plates down on the floor but don’t under any circumstances get physical. Be careful not to allow your mate’s selfish behavior cause you to do something which will ruin your whole life forever.