How many times have people married and discovered that they were not on the same page of thinking financially. Possibly one is a spender. Possibly another is a saver. The husband wants to buy this. The wife wants to buy that. The husband or wife says, “This is my money.” Possibly, with some there is no “we” when it comes to money. How do you deal with your marriage and money problems?
Dave Ramsey states, “Men tend to take more risks and don’t save for emergencies.” He further adds, “Women tend to see money more as a security issue and they will gravitate toward the rainy-day fund.” Have you heard that before?
Although you will not know everything you need to know before marrying your spouse, premarital counseling will give you some tools to handle some of the problems you will incur during marriage. You want your marriage to be as healthy as it can be. You are never too old to learn.
According to Premarital Counseling Questions there are certain questions that you might want to ask before marriage. Some of these questions may be ongoing concerns after marriage for discussion also. Questions such as should we work 8 hours our more? One spouse may be a workaholic and want to work all the hours they can get. Then another spouse may be resentful, because there is very little time spent with each other, because they are working so many hours? This could be an ongoing concern during marriage because one spouse may become ill. That spouse may be unable to work. How will you deal with this? Will you toss your spouse aside and want a divorce, because your spouse is unable to work? Will you think of creative ways to bring income into your family? These are concerns to discuss. If there is no discussion, possibly there is no solution.
It is so important to talk about money, because each of you may have different values and expectations regarding money. Through talking, possibly both of you can develop a balance about the money.
Your goals for money can change. They may not always be the same. It is important to keep that communication open. There is nothing wrong with changing goals, because people and their expectations change.
Focus on the family talks about a woman that likes to balance her checkbook to the last penny, but her husband and never entered anything in the checkbooks in years. Does this sound familiar to any of you? They go on further to say that financial struggles reveal attitudes about what you value most. That brings to my memory a scripture, Matthew 6:21 “For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.” In other words, we will put most of our efforts and money into what we value most. I have even heard others say, “As long as I know there is money in the account, I do not bother to balance my checkbook.” To me that sounds very scary, because I like to balance my account to the penny. I cannot imagine not knowing what amount is in my account.
The Bible states in Proverbs 4:23 “Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.” In other words, what is in the heart will come out of the mouth. How do you value money? Do words and actions show your values? Have you ever heard someone say, “I didn’t mean to say that?” In reality, maybe they did mean to say it, because it was in their heart. They might not have wanted it to come out, but it did.
Will you start today talking to your spouse about money?
The Bible, King James Version
Focus on the Family, Money Management in Marriage
Premarital Counseling Questions, Things to Know About Your Partner before Marriage
Dave Ramsey, The Truth about Money and Relationships