How Strong is Your Relationship Foundation?

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Each relationship is unique and yet there are identifiable stages that most couples experience. Although we think of these stages as proceeding in sequence – courtship, commitment to marriage or a long-term relationship, productive years (which can include child-rearing, or career, business or other pursuits)

Each partner’s expectation of what the relationship should be, and the roles each should play within it, is a significant influence. The partners may be unaware of some of their expectations until they are disappointed or a conflict surfaces in the relationship. Often this occurs at a time of change: when the couple begin to live together, marry, have children or one or both face significant life stress. The partners may be astounded to discover that some of their expectations of life as a couple are so far apart.

a simple checklist that couples can use quickly to get a rough idea of the strength of their own relationships. It’s not scientifically based but meant to be a simple guideline providing a framework in which to conceptualize your relationship in a new way. It is divided into three sections and ideally is done by both you and your partner. Make a copy and each of you do it separately. This checklist will help to identify areas that might benefit from further exploration. You can discuss your results together afterward. You might find that it brings up some difficult conversations – if you find yourselves stuck, consider finding a couples therapist in your area to help you navigate through. It’s not uncommon for couples to have never discussed some of these issues!

Read each sentence and either put a checkmark by it if you agree – or put nothing if you don’t. Go with your initial gut reaction – and remember, there are no “right” or “wrong” answers. The more checks you have, the stronger your foundation likely is.

Relationship Logistics

______ We communicate well.
______ We resolve conflict well.
______ We have discussed and are okay with our relationship roles.
______ We have discussed and are okay with our sexual expectations.
______ We have discussed and are okay with our spiritual beliefs.
______ We have discussed and are okay with our financial management.
______ We have discussed and are okay with our personal, couple and family goals.

Relationship Balance

______ We value each others needs for some independence within the relationship.
______ We spend adequate time together, nurturing our relationship.

Relationship Emotional Safety

______ We feel heard by each other.
______ We feel understood by each other.
______ We feel validated by each other.
______ We feel empathy from each other.
______ We feel respected by each other.
______ We feel loved by each other.

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