Tomorrow is Eheads day. And I don’t know if 5 years from now I would be banging my head on the wall for not having made the right decision.
I decided not to go. After much anticipation, and after having been given all the opportunity (ie. being asked out on a date by someone who ALREADY have tickets) to attend the reunion gig, I decided I have more important things to do that night.
“Like effin WHAT could be more important than this once-in-a-lifetime event!!?” – I could almost hear a die-hard, Eheads fan scream into my eardrums.
“Err.. sleep?” – Now I can feel groping hands, the back of my head.. the wall. My nose is broken.
Yes. I am dissing the concert because I need to rest. I got work tonight, a colleague’s birthday party to go to after work, and my godchild’s 1st birthday celebration after lunch. Knowing my body clock all too well, I know that even if I go home before lunch and force myself to sleep for a few hours so I could wake up at 2pm, I wouldn’t be able to. My body, like my mind unfortunately, can not easily be told what to do. I would just toss and turn in bed, and before I know it, it would be 3pm and I’d get out of bed feeling like a homicidal-suicidal maniac again for being late for a commitment despite not having had enough sleep- and for choosing this type of godforsaken work and lifestyle. So yea, Id rather do a straight, 24-hour sleepless, hectic day. Yet the straw that would really break the call-center-agent’s-back, is knowing that I would have to force myself awake for the next, give or take, 12 hours if I were to still go to the Eheads gig. I’ve inhaled too much nicotine already, deprived myself of proper sleep for the past 2 years (and going) and haven’t been eating (the right) vegetables for the longest time. If I go to this event, I’m afraid I would be adding 5 more years to my ever shortening life-span. Is this Eheads “reunion concert” worth 5 years of my life? Hmm.. Maybe if it were Tori Amos.. or Muse in an intimate setting gig..
But don’t get me wrong. I’m a huge fan of the Eheads. Though not a die-hard fan, I want Spoliarium to be played on my funeral (Fcuk, that song speaks to me so much I get goosebumps everytime I hear it). Make me listen to that and follow it up with Ang Huling El Bimbo, Para sa Masa, Magasin, Torpedo, Huwag Mo Nang Itanong, and Minsan and I’ll be off to Nostalgialand and Slashville come sleeping-time. I could go on and on about how I admire Ely’s songwriting genius- how in his lyrics, he could elevate absurd daily events to something that touches the core, and compose unforgettable melodies that complement and fit the lyrics like a warm, comfy glove. Quintessential, yep that’s what it is. And with all this emoshit going on you can also add Unpretentious to that.
However, after having found out exactly WHY they were doing this gig, I got a bit turned off by this whole “reunion concert” enterprise. It wasn’t because the fans asked for it, it wasn’t because someone was dying, it wasn’t because they’re doing it for good ‘ol times sake, they’re doing it for Marlboro. For advertisement. While Philip Morris was ready to give this “momentous event” to us “free of charge”, the band was going to get Huge Bucks for it (10 million from what I read). And to add insult to injury, I read these 2 angst-ridden “letters to the fans” of Raimund that clearly shows there’s still lingering animosity amongst them (or should I say between them?), and that it looks like this would all be just a chore.
So yea, they were basically going to do it just for the money. If there was one person who seems surfer-cool about the whole situation according to the grapevine, it’s Marcus (you go dude!).. and perhaps also Buddy, who seems to have always been the level-headed one.
Sure, there’s been a turn of events when Philip Morris had to back out the last minute (1 week before the gig? Because they were reprimanded by the government for this illegal activity) and the band decided to push through with it anyway “since the fans were already expecting it”. Oh yeah, big favor. And so here’s their lovin’: P1,500++ ticket, hasty and disorganized logistics, and four exceptionally-good musicians performing half-heartedly onstage. Perhaps they just didn’t want to make it look as though the whole intention was for the buck, but it’s a bit too late for that now, I guess it would have been better had they cancelled the concert altogether.
I love them. I adore them. I want to see them perform again. But something is just wrong with this whole scenario. If I were to go back to answer my question earlier if the Eheads reunion concert would be worth 5 years of my life-well, it probably is. Only if it were to happen not tomorrow night but some other auspicious time in the future when all of them would have their whole heart and soul into this thing- just how reunion concerts are supposed to be: a band coming full-circle, a carefree reliving of the early years when it was all about music and inspiration.
And is that going to happen tomorrow? I doubt it. For some reason, when I imagine Ely and Raimund’s would-be performance, I am getting the image of an angry and disillusioned prostitute, gyrating with all the skills that would make the lecherous audience salivate in five minutes, but just wanting to get over it as quickly as possible. I don’t want to have to pay for fake love, I want the real deal. I don’t care if I have to wait for 10 years more, I just want to experience something that can truly be called “historic”.
Look who’s talking! Cynic Joy has just heckled my monologue.
Fine. This angry-prostitute-thing hits me back in the face now that I realize I’ve been slaving for years for a job I don’t get any self-actualization from. But my case is different, though it looks like I’m doing it just for the money (well maybe 70% of it yes), a lot of it has got to do I guess with learned helplessness and this godammned comfort-zone thing. But that’s not the topic here.
This is my point: Here I am, disillusioned, insipid, depressed. The only fuel that keeps me going are Nostalgia, Hope, and Fantasy. The Eheads play a part in the Nostalgia component. Their songs make me ache, they provoke me; in this zombie-state of monotony, listening to their songs remind me I’m alive. Deep inside I guess, what I’m really afraid of is that if I go to their gig tomorrow I’d see something unpleasant and my Quintessential memory of the Eheads and the good old 90’s would be tainted. After all the youthful ideals, this is what we have become: typical adults.
But what if something awe-inspiring happens tomorrow? What if music is a healing balm for old wounds and tomorrow turns out to be the greatest gig they ever played? I guess I’ll never know. I’ve already made my decision. Though it’s not too late to change my mind.
Oh yes it IS too late to change your mind now Cornball Joy. You got work tonight, and thanks to this crybabyblog, you’ve only got 5 hours of sleep left. So just shut up and go to bed.