Nerdpocalypse: Nerd Apocalypse

Suppose that we were all wrong. Suppose that 21 December 2012 is not the physical manifestation of a cosmic Armageddon at all. Suppose instead that 21 December 2012 is merely the revenge of the mama’s basement dwelling, dateless nerds. Suppose it’s the Nerd Apocalypse. The NerdPocalypse.

How might you ask can a bunch of 40 year old virgins who have never known the intimate touch of a woman, take down the globe? How indeed. Well, they are nerds. They will think of something. Thinking of something is what they are good at. Doing anything about it is something they find a little more challenging.

Botnets
The nerds will probably use all those millions of rogue computer viruses they have unleashed upon the world and get them to do something particularly damaging. Something on December 21 2012 let’s say.

Banks
One of the things that could be done is the nerds could loot all those bank accounts they stole the passwords for. On top of that, there is a new more sophisticated virus that tricks people into thinking that there is nothing wrong with their bank accounts whilst the nerds are robbing them blind.

Military
It turns out that some of world’s military units and much of the world’s military contractors may be more vulnerable than we might presuppose. Imagine if angry nerds got hold of automated weapons, satellites and computer systems. Why I would bet they could start World War III if they had a mind to.

Flash Drive
An experiment was done in the parking lots of places like the department defense. In the experiment, a bunch of thumb drives were tossed into the parking lot. Employees of various government agencies took the thumb drives off the ground and stuck them into their computers at work. If nerds can count on this behavior they may be able to spread viruses to every major company and government organization in the world. They might even being able to spread disabling viruses or viruses that steal information into computer systems that are not connected to the internet.

Think of it this way. You scatter thumb drives into the parking lot. Some moron sticks the thumb drives into an otherwise secure computer. The thumb drive appears broken and completely useless. The thumb drives where not broken, they were stealing information.

The nerds infiltrate the custodial and trash hauling systems of the secure facilities. It may be gross work, but they sift through the trash and collect the discarded thumb drives. Thus hacking a supposedly secure and isolated system.

Nuke it From Orbit
How do you protect yourself from dateless nerds who live in mommy’s basement? Nuke the Net from Orbit. It’s the only way to be sure. For those who don’t know, nuking the net from orbit means, backing up all your data and scanning that backup for viruses to within an inch of its very existence. Then getting all the operating system software and drivers required to re-create your computer system. Then reformat your hard drive and reload your system. Load newer and better anti malware software if you can lay hands on some. Since you can get if for free, you have no excuse. Then, and only then, reload your data.

There are simply more viruses and compromised systems than anyone really knows. If everyone cleans up their system before doomsday, the nerds revenge will fizzle—like their love lives.

If NerdPocalypse doesn’t catch on we could try, Nerageddon. NerdTopia. NerdVanna. NerdaPalooza. Or maybe the whole nerd thing doesn’t wash.

How about GeekPocalype. Geekageddon. GeekTopia. GeekVana. GeekaPalooza. Naw. It doesn’t seem to have a ring to it. The term “geek” is best left to guys who bite the head off a live chicken.

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