Amusing Facebook Status And Twitter Tweets Ideas-Tell Everyone Whats On Your Mind

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  • “Four words you don’t want to hear from your doctor…’I’ll just Google it’ ”

  • “Tip to reduce weight: 1st turn your head to the left, then to the right. Repeat this exercise anytime you are offered something to eat.”

  • “YouTube is like a ‘ Choose Your Own Adventure’ that never ends and just gets more and more stupid as you make one bad choice after another.”

  • “There should be an application called, “See how many people are pretending to be offline while they are online”

  • “Dear Facebook! Please change your “What’s on your mind” to “Copied..??? Now Paste Here”

  • “Am I on Facebook because I’m bored, or am bored because I’m on Facebook?”

 

  • ” ‘Whats on your mind’ should be changed to ‘whats your problem’ of the day”

  • “You don’t always have to think, that’s because others have to think too”

  • “The awkward moment when you walk into a room then forget why you’re there”

  • “The longest minutes are always spent in front of a microwave”

  • “It’s fun to hold the door for people who are far away so they have to run a little”

  • “It’s Facebook that made me realize that I ‘Like’ so many things”.

  • “When someone posts that they’re having a bad day, I don’t think it’s a good idea to “like” their status”

  • “Every horoscope should read: “Your day is already a failure. You rely on horoscopes”

  • “When the world ends…many people may still want two things…Facebook and an internet connection”

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  • “Grocery store aisles should have a fast lane”

  • “The problem with reality is a lack of background music”

  • “All I want is less to do, more time to do it, and higher pay for not getting it done”.

  • “A job is nice but it interferes with my life”

  • “That awkward moment when you realize this year is just going to be filled with morons talking about the end of the world the whole time”

  • “A husband is someone who after taking the trash out, gives the impression he just cleaned the whole house”

  • “I tend to say “I don’t know” when I’m too lazy to think”

  • “I’m tired of chasing my dreams, I’m just going to ask them where they are going and meet them there later”

  • “My New Years Resolution is to break my New Years Resolutions…That way I succeed at something!”

  • “A computer program will always do what you tell it to, and seldom what you want it to”

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