Keeping a relationship when its still “Boyfriend” or “Girlfriend” is quite easier than “Husband” or “Wife”! While a couple is yet to start living together the relationship can conveniently be magical. But when you have to deal with the domestic reality of living together and sharing virtually everything, including privacy…meen!… that really can be some task! It requires huge tolerance.
I try to imagine what its like to even live with a friend of same sex over a period of time and the idea of an opposite sex for the rest of my life did not sound exactly palatable. Now i went out as usual to sample people’s opinion and what got was most stunning! About 16% of people i met didn’t think sex could cure the boredom of relationship, 9% (probably out of religious or cultural orientations) felt sex was just a duty and should not be made important, 23% (mostly young Adults) felt sex was important but could not say how. Suprisingly though, they were able to relate with researchers, some of their sexcapades and conquests outside their marriage! Only one female of this group hinted at her sexual trip outside marriage (The marriage is over now anyway) most of the guys in the group talked freely of things they’d done and enjoyed. It was very clear mos of them were furnished with an arsenal of varieties in the sex game! But they made sex at home with their wives a duty of sorts. Some even said “Never!, How can i do those things with my wife?” 43% aligned themselves with the school of thought that Sex is important in marriage and can stand as a sustenance factor for a Marriage. But at different pints in time most of these experienced adults that I heard or read from, hinted at two words; Compatibility and Dialogue. These two words kept reoccurring either as an advice or as a mitigating factor.
Communication is a very important tool of existence, as man communicate with each other so does animals communicate too. Imagine a world where there is no communication, what will it be like? Marriage is an institution and its a learning process all the way. A couple that can not communicate with each other effectively will definitely fall out. The group of young adults who talked freely about sex outside their marriage, will be better off if they could channel such passions into their home quarters. Sex is safer done in marriage than out of it. The risk is higher outside marriage and as such can be made a lot fun if it is talked about between couples. Infact it becomes more of an adventure that way. Talking about sex with a spouse is healthy and more fun. Flirting is a level of communication between couples and it often informs a great sex life. Coy looks and stolen touches even when no one is about to complain of romance between couples. I notice that most of the females were reserved over this topic, african women are usually conservative with their desires and mostly mute untill lost to the throes of sexual pleasure. I think its about time African women saw it as a responsibility to communicate their desires to their men. Afterall “it takes two” and the voice of the African woman is becoming louder.
What exactly is compatibility if not simply building preferences, tuning the right sexual frequencies and adopting the best of varieties to spice up your sex as well as setting prioirities. Just because a couple is married doesn’t necessarilly translate to beign on the same sexual frequency. The hormonal differences may require some “panel-beating”. But it is imperative to accept as a fact that there has to be slight or huge disparities in preferences. The level of emotional investment by the couple determines the level of compatibility. The issue of compatibility should be seen as a learned behaviour that requires a lot of practice, acceptance, patience and experimentation.
Sex has been described as a very healthy department of marriage. It helps to relax the nerves, the brain and the mind. That is not talking of the wonderful kids that comes asd a certifcate of sex! Not only is it an important part of marriage, but it is on top of the list! A great marriage is definitely informed by intimacy and methinks intimacy can only come if we hop out of our clothe covers and hit the bed! We’ll sure talk more and communicate better that way…with no holds barred!