Going through a serious breakup can be as emotionally traumatizing an experience as almost anything that can happen to you in life. If you have recently gone through a hard breakup, you are probably seeking answers. Why did this happen? What could I have done to avoid it?
I am here to say that, unfortunately, there is no “one size fits all” answer to these questions. That is because the right answers differ from person to person, couple to couple. The history of any given romantic relationship is unique: each one walks its own meandering path. But, answers are what you need if you want to fix your relationship.
So, what can be done about fixing breakups? Here are 5 steps:
1. Get in touch with your own needs and wants first
Having a breakup can make you feel like you got in the emotional equivalent of a car accident. You feel a bit disoriented, out of sorts. You feel dizzy. You may feel like laughing one moment, crying the next. Before you can effectively fix your breakup, you need to give yourself some time getting in touch with “the real you” again. So, how do you get in touch with your own needs and wants? Read a favorite novel. Do some journaling. Take some walks. Do whatever it is that gets you focused on the things that matter to you most in life – regardless of the status of your relationship.
2. Decide if he or she is worth getting back
Once you feel a bit more centered, it is time to take stock of the situation. While it is hard to do, try to look objectively at your relationship. What was working, what wasn’t? Looking back over the course of your relationship, how would you judge the actions of both yourself and your partner? Were you both kind and caring toward each other? Did you show each other the respect you each deserved? Before you go about fixing a breakup, you need to make sure that the effort would be worth it.
3. Swallow your pride and make the first move
If you decide that fixing your breakup is the right thing to do, you need to think about the best way to actually approach your ex again. Yes, that may mean swallowing your pride and making the first move. That is never easy to do, especially if it was your ex who initiated the breakup. Still, armed with the right knowledge, your chances are better than you may think to fix your relationship.
4. Do something unexpected to improve your appearance
Before you approach your ex with the prospect of getting back together, do something to improve your looks. Try a different hairstyle. Start an exercise routine to lose 5 – 10 pounds. Buy a new outfit or two. Remember, looks do matter – regardless of how well you know and love each other. By putting a little extra effort into your looks, you are increasing your odds of a successful reunion with your ex more than you might imagine.
5. Take it slowly
Once you approach your ex and start a dialogue about your relationship with him or her, make sure you take it slowly. You need to walk before you run. If you move too quickly, you could risk destroying everything you are working so hard for.
Fixing breakups is both an art and a science. What you need is sound advice that has worked for thousands of other jilted lovers. Then, you need to apply this advice expertly to your own situation. That is a winning combination.