To surrender to reality means that you are able to live life as it is, not because of what you are thinking or your habits. The reason why there are people who cook up stories for the truth is that they are not able to handle the real truth. However, in case that you have painted the wrong picture for reality, it may end up becoming too glossy. You may hate to see it when some big organization does it, but you do not care if you do it yourself even if you do it on a small scale!
The first and the most crucial step is to be able to forgive. In case you take too much time thinking on why you cannot forgive yourself then you will be able to live beyond the blame and hurt. However this situation is different if it is about someone who wronged you and who is preventing you from acquiring a feeling of peace or to heal.
Giving forgiveness to someone else means that you have found out that forgiving someone does not mean that you are giving him an absolution from the wrong that he has done. Absolution can be used interchangeably with forgiveness in some faiths, thus making many people confuse one with another.
Sometimes people may ask themselves what they have to do in case the person who has done something wrong is dead, or if there are too many years that have passed from the time that someone did something wrong to you. Such people are not near to you to talk to you. Getting rid of any negative emotional pain does not mean that you have to live as if nothing had happened, however, you have to live without having to be manipulated with such problems anymore.
Realizing that you have to give forgiveness does not mean denial. Whatever caused you the pain was a real incident. Denying that something took place and naming it as forgiveness will only make it harder for you to pass through your emotions. There is no time line that has been put out for forgiveness. It may take time to decide about forgiveness and to give it for real. The first step to forgive is to decide that you will forgive, regardless if the person who wronged you takes responsibility for it or not. This means that you will not continue to invest in your emotional distress and pain every time you think about what had happened.
Understand that everyone who forgives does not have to always make up with the person who wronged him. This is because some relationships can be toxic or physically unsafe. Even if you can forgive and move on, the person who has wronged you may no longer have an important part in your life. If any situation or individual is not safe, it is better if you do not work towards reconciliation instead you can work towards forgiveness when you feel physically secure and emotionally fit.
Reach at a conscious decision to give forgiveness to someone. Regardless if someone apologizes or not, you will feel better if you settle the feeling within you and proceed without a need for any apology. An apology is given to show honest remorse and to acknowledge that the person has personal responsibility. If you did not get any apology, then you can reconcile with your own mind to forgive and to forget so that you will be more open to let it go.