Excuses II – Are women the better liars?

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Once upon a time there were two girls (and no, not Sleeping Beauty and Snow White though there was some resemblance) who shared a guy. Usually, if you hear stories like this you would think of either a threesome or that the guy cheated on both of them with one another. Think twice. These are modern days and even girls can come up with certain ideas nowadays.

One of the girls became very bored at work one day. Being the last one in the office, she decided to explore the internet for some entertainment. As it happened, she entered a chat room of one of the big radio stations and started talking to some, she thought, nice guy. Dating these days has become more and more complicated. You either act too quick or too late, you are either a spinster or a hoe, so a girl can’t do it right these days. So every chance of meeting a normal guy in a somehow normal situation has to be taken. They chatted for quite a while and at the end they exchanged emails. So far – so normal.

The next day, she found an email with a link. The email was from the guy she met in the chat room and the link was his personal website. Apparently, the site was neither one of MySpace or Facebook, but one he set up himself and it was not to promote his business or anything of this kind, but to promote himself – as the perfect catch.

You seriously have to admit – men are simply better in showing off. In the old days, they would show you their trophy wives, the kids with clean faces and sweet smiles, their houses, their cars, the pictures of the holidays in the Caribbean and their handicap on the golf course. These days, they don’t need to invest in all these things. All they need is a computer and a stable internet connection. And somehow their face is available to millions of people who can admire them. Napoleon Bonaparte would have loved it.

On the other hand – I don’t want to sound too harsh on men. It’s also not easy for them these days. Dating has become a minefield with lots of traps for them to get into. Either they sound too pushy or they get branded as a nerd. Not easy to keep the golden mean. A woman wants a guy looking like David Beckham, talking like Stephen Hawkins, making her laugh like Jim Carrey, being sensitive like the Dalai Lama but at the same time being able to act like James Bond. As Brad has already broken Jen’s heart and no woman would want to mess with Angie and George (C – not W) seems to have commitment issues, men can only do their best to make women understand that they have to settle (not for second best but) for reality. No men can meet all our criteria. So let’s face it – we have to look for the almost perfect match. Everything else is an illusion.

So setting up a website and let women who are interested in you get in touch with you seems a good idea. Of course also women do this (and I don’t only mean the ones you can “order”), so it seems a mutual agreement these days to go for it.

The girl also thought this would give her some good first information about the guy, so she decided to stay in touch with him. One thing led to another and they arranged for a date. The girl was really impressed and soon little butterflies exercised somersaults in her tummy.

The website unfortunately didn’t tell her that the guy had a girlfriend for four years.

Therefore guys, always be careful in inviting your latest catch into your house if you are actually in a relationship. Only unconscious women wouldn’t find out that there is a woman’s touch in the house (ok, the guys who live with their mums can now be relieved though it might be questionable if you’ll have a second date if you are already over 18). Any other woman – no matter from which cultural background, no matter if blind or deaf, no matter how inexperienced with men – would find out that you have a girlfriend. 100 %.

So it’s no wonder the girl did too. And she wasn’t impressed. In such a case there are two ways for a girl to deal with this. To cry her eyes out or – to seek revenge!

Crying your eyes out will not make the guy feel your pain, it will only make your eyes swell up and you look like Animal from the Muppets.

So it came quite convenient that another girl shared her office and that this girl was also impressed by the appearance of the guy when browsing his website. Let’s not go there that a friend of yours should actually not be interested in your male subject of desire. This time, it came quite handy and girl no1 was not cross with her, but she rather encouraged her also to get in touch with him by sending him an email. What girl no1 wanted to know was, if the guy would also reply to her and arrange for a date with girl no2 and therefore prove that he was just a player.

No sooner said than done – and the guy was in their trap. Certainly, he replied to girl no2’s email and set up a date for the following weekend. Although girl no1 was upset, she rather focussed on her ultimate aim – to humiliate him.

So the two girls both started to date the guy but of course didn’t tell him that they knew each other. This way, they could spy on him (and on each other?) and continue their evil plan.

All went well for about a month – then the guy got suspicious. Was it something the girls said or did, we will never find out. But although they thought they had managed to resolve all doubts, the guy was still suspicious about them. And girl no1 was petrified when all of a sudden the guy sent her an email and asked her straight away, if she knew girl no2. Certainly, she replied saying no. But the guy didn’t give up. The question on his list was if she doesn’t know girl no2, how comes that both use the same server system with one identical server address? Not only did he find this specific IP address when checking who was on his website, but also did both of them send their emails from this IP address.

Ooops… that’s the problem with men being technical freaks these days. Your virtual footprints can be traced back much too easily.

Unfortunately, the guy was not only a technical freak but rather a computer God and, more unfortunately, worked as a computer specialist for the nation’s intelligence service. What more could you ask for? Tom Cruise in Mission Impossible??

So the girl tried to find explanations – they might work in the same not so small firm? Ok, but if girl no2 also works in the firm where girl no1 works – then they must certainly know each other?!

That’s when I got involved in the whole story. Oh yes, poor me. Unfortunately, I worked in the same office as girl no1 and girl no2 – so not only did I have to listen to their “bedtime” stories all day – it was also me who they asked to help them with this “IP problem”.

I’m not a geek – so I’m far from being a computer wizard, I’m only a person who is interested in computers and so I tried to think fast (and intelligently).

Well, if you work in one office you probably use the same IP address – fine. But it was unlikely that you would use the same computer, but don’t know each other – no matter how big the company is. So another explanation had to be found.

The real problem was not that they had the same IP address when sending him emails, the real question was rather, if it really could have been a coincidence that the other girl, without knowing girl no1, had found his website. How was that possible?

So I had to find an answer for this question. Thinking hard, the only one I could come up with was that both girls had used a computer that was in the firm’s library and that the website was still in the history of this computer and therefore after girl no1 had used the PC, girl no2 must have also clicked on the web address and got in touch with him. That sounded plausible. At least plausible enough for the guy.

God – I never thought that I was really able to outwit a computer geek. I don’t want to think what this means for the nation’s intelligence service, but at least the girls’ crisis was solved.

As a matter of fact, he was really convinced that this was the way it must have happened. And the two girls continued their masquerade. And they got more and more information from the guy and so one day, he trusted them so much, that he made a fatal mistake. Showing them the website with details of his (official) girlfriend on it.
Guys – never do that. Women usually have not only better eyes – but they pay more attention to detail. Which means, if you ask us about an incident that has happened in the blink of an eye, we are not only able to tell you, what exactly has happened, but also how many people where involved, which designer label they wore, what colour their eyes had and probably even what they had for lunch the day before. Some of us also have what they call the sixth sense, which means we are even able to tell you things that have not (yet) happened or were not visible to the naked eye.

Therefore, disclosing such personal information to a woman when you are actually cheating not only on her but two other women is not only playing Russian roulette, it’s just not really wise or to say it more drastically – it’s dumb.

So finally it was time for the revenge, girl no1 had planned for so long. First she checked the website again she saw in the guy’s house and got in touch with his official girlfriend and let her know about the activities of her “boyfriend”. Phase 2 of her revenge was to arrange a meeting with him to which she went along with girl no2. When the guy arrived, he initially only saw girl no1 and kissed her in the usual way. However, he must have got the freight of his life when he suddenly heard a familiar voice behind him, asking “And what about me?!”. Finally it dawned on him, that his suspicions were actually correct and he was fooled by some sweet lies.

 
He’ll probably ask himself for the rest of his life, why he didn’t trust his inner senses but rather believed what two beautiful girl made him believe (or as a matter of fact – me with my library computer story). And so there is some sort of proof that men can also be fooled by beauty, wit, charm, sex appeal and a lot of sweet words, if they are only sweet enough. Some say love makes us believe anything. I’m not so sure if it is only love or simply the fact that we get the attention we are looking for and swallow some bitter pills in exchange. But as we can see, it can be dangerous not only to be fooled by somebody else, but to be fooled by ourselves.

In this case – the guy only lost three girlfriends on one day. Probably, he didn’t deserve any of them anyway. But what about other cases, when we try to believe what the other person tells us although we have this feeling deep inside that something’s wrong? I don’t say, that we should listen to rumours or just jump to conclusions easily. But as they say – a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. I therefore think sometimes it’s better to listen to your inner voice and stop things before they even get worse and you just lose yourself.

Therefore, better be careful what you wish for – a threesome might be better in your imagination than it turns out to be in reality!

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