Single Girl’s Online Dating Guide: How To Screen For Freaks, Geeks and Liars

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For single women, online dating can be like a war zone of picking out freaks, geeks and liars. The following guidelines will help you screen out the losers (and save you from potential horrible blind dates).

1. Always use a fake name when you chat with men online. Use names like “Bertha” or “Gertie.” Don’t use sexy handle names or you’ll attract the freaks.

2. If you are in your 20s and are worried about old men hitting on you, ask them where they were when John F. Kennedy was shot. If they can remember what they were doing they are probably too old for you.

3. Ask them to take a picture of their left hand. If you see a tan mark on their left ring finger, they are married. They took off their ring before they took the picture.

4. Trick questions to find out if they are married or have a girlfriend: “What is your wife’s favorite reality TV show?” “What is the name of your son’s pet cat?”

5. If they mention “androids” and “fantasy novels,” run for the hills.

6. If their picture looks too posed or has another person cut out of the picture, they are recently divorced or scanned their picture from a magazine.

7. If their hobbies include WWE and beer bongs, you might want to cut off contact immediately.

8. If they use terms such as “bunker” or “foxhole” you may have a World War II vet on your hands. If you are a grandmother this might be okay but a 30something woman might not dig Old Man River.

9. If they claim they aren’t married, ask for their wife’s cell phone number.

10. If they send you an e-card that involves kittens, hearts and flowers, be very scared.

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