By Kathryn Lee Ryder
Believe and you can achieve! Do you believe you can’t? You are right. Do you believe you can? You are right. There is no right or wrong. It’s all about choice… YOUR CHOICE!
I am a woman that lived and left an abusive relationship, I know how abuse encourages negative self talk. After walking out of my 23-year relationship it seemed like a full-time job to learn how to believe in myself and my inner guidance. I had to find a way to reverse all the negative internal chatter my abuser managed to fuel within me.
Learning to believe in myself again began with tiny little baby steps of personal growth. As the baby steps grew into steps, and those steps grew into strides, I began to face an army of resistance. During my personal growth towards a “new me” many well-meaning people in my life began to question my motives. Not only did they question what I was doing, but they were quick in their attempts to knock me down (for my own benefit, of course).
As you progress along your path of personal growth many people in your life will challenge you. The truth is they have grown comfortable with the old you, the predictable you. However, personal growth reflects change; it will present a “new you” on a whole new level. Unfortunately, it is human nature to resist change. If you have changed, your closest friends and family might surely assume it is for the worst. It is easy for them to view you this way because you are making their world uncomfortable. Therefore, in their mind, you must be the selfish person in the game of “their” life. I can’t tell you how many times I was told, “You are rocking the boat.”
For those of you that know me as a successful Author, Speaker & Life Skills Instructor it might interest you to know my success was a difficult climb (as with most success stories). During the most challenging years, family and friends tried to place doubt in my mind, and when that didn’t work they tried to shove it down my throat. They saw me a dreamer. They couldn’t understand why I wouldn’t just go get a “real job” like the rest of society. They judged me as a stumbled and fell upon poverty.
In fact, just prior to reaching success, two life long friends chose the low road by confronting me with, “What on Earth are you thinking? We are concerned with you and what you doing!” In short, our friendship self-destructed as they wrongfully assumed I was suffering some sort of self-destructive behaviour.
My journey to freedom, away from my abuser, was a difficult climb. However, it was a journey where many true friends, and family members, stood beside me and believed in my quest.
However, holding a dream of reaching out to help abused women find a whole new beginning in their life was viewed as ridiculous. How dare I believe in a dream? What makes me think I can actually make a living doing what I loved to do? They wanted me to remain in their powerless, pitiful excuse for making a living. Even though they don’t make enough money, at a job they do not like, it was, in their opinion, a better option for living life.
“Really?!?!?” is my only reply.
What they couldn’t see was my burning desire, determination and belief that I could live the life of my dreams. To me, it wasn’t a case of “maybe I could”. It was a deep belief that someday, somehow, “I would”.
Yes, I had to put in my time but I never gave up on my dream.
Yes, sometimes I took detours to survive, but I never gave up on my dream.
Yes, I made mistakes and failure was served to me on a broken platter many times.
The question is, “Did I use failure as an excuse to give up?” No!
To me, failure is…
(1) figuring out what NOT to do next time
(2) falling down and NOT getting back up.
To me, success is…
(1) falling down and getting back up to try again, and again, and again
(2) falling down so many times that you finally reach success.
Thomas Edison has been quoted for claiming he discovered 10,000 ways in which electricity would not work. He refused to give up on his dream to invent electricity.
No matter the path you choose in your life, you must find a way to stand tall and believe in yourself!
Kathryn Lee-Ryder is dedicated to helping abused women find a whole new beginning in their life. Find more resources @ http://www.journeytofreedom.ca
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