How does a woman settle for becoming a mistress? It happens when she doesn’t know her true worth. Her self-esteem has often been destroyed in childhood by some traumatic experience that she has long since forgotten or does not care to remember.
Family dysfunction and divorce make a tremendous impact upon children.The result often leads to the inability to form genuine and lasting adult relationships. Thus, some women settle for the role of mistress.
In the book, The Garbage Man’s Daughter: Letting Go of Shame, Davida Kincaid shares her pain and shame in adjusting to a move from a comfortable two-parent home in the city to a single-parent country house with no amenities after her beloved daddy abandons his family and goes to live with his mistress. Without her husband’s support, Davida’s mother of 18 children resorts to being a mistress in order to feed her family.Her story resembles the one in O.C. Smith’s song, “Hickory Holler’s Tramp.”
Even though Davida suffered many setbacks in her quest to return to the life she once knew before her parents separated, she remained confident that she could and determined that she would rise above her impoverished conditions.
Motivated by a teacher at every grade level or someone else who encouraged her, Davida teaches us how to rise from mistress to wife of a king in that she:
•Believed she was destined for greatness
•Thrived on praise and affection from anyone who offered it
•Set her focus on reclaiming the great life she previously enjoyed
•Realized that talking about problems made her feel better and sleep better
•Dared to trust someone with her secrets even at the risk of being ridiculed by family and friends
•Saw what needed to be done and worked hard to achieve it even without being assigned the responsibilities
•Shared what she learned in order to spare others the pain of discovery
•Bounced back repeatedly from disappointment to renewed hope
•Identified her weaknesses and made a conscious decision to overcome them
•Realized that every experience is a life lesson
•Understood that parents can only teach their children what they know
•Learned that parents can have pain and shame from childhood too
•Found that if you ask the right questions you might get answers you don’t expect
•Dared to speak what she sincerely believed
•Prayed and prayed again when answers did not come
•Felt good about her efforts when she knew she had done her best
Davida also teaches us to search our own hearts for buried garbage. Talking about it is a wonderful way of relieving ourselves of the negative stuff affecting our attitudes, emotions and behaviors.
Letting go of internal garbage—putting it out so that God (the garbage man) can remove the guilt, pain and shame—frees us to receive the good things He wants to deposit in each life. Mistress, stop looking for love in all the wrong places and settling for less than the best.“Your Maker is your husband” (Is 54:5), so start believing that you too are of royal birth, loved by the King of Kings, and destined for greatness.