I had the privilege of visiting my friend’s house and I say privilege because it was a delight to see the friendship between my friend and her two sons and one daughter. The children were very friendly with the parents and it was reciprocated by my friend and her husband. It was wonderful to see such a family atmosphere as it is a rare thing to see a family without generation gap.
Who is the culprit behind this gap in the family which keeps widening as the years pass? The reason behind this rift cannot be pinpointed particularly to the parents or the children, as the culprits are both. When the children were young they are totally under your control and they listen and obey whatever you say. You feel comfortable to spend time with them and you are the master of their life. It really feels good, doesn’t it?
But years pass and your children enter adolescence and they are neither young child nor are they adults. Your children are entering into the most confused state of their life. They feel they know everything and you feel they know nothing. You try to order them and you are hurt and bemused to see them resenting it. They want to spend more time alone and their freeness with you gives way to certain chillness.
You should understand this change in your children as a growing process and there is nothing to feel unhappy about it. When you want to make your children to listen to your advice and follow them, your children will be a perfect carbon copy of you. They will be without any assertive qualifications necessary to make them successful. Unable to make any firm decisions, they will be bulldozed by the more strong minded people in various stages of their life.
Children are also in the fault as they look down their parents as if they cannot keep in pace with your high tech knowledge. You feel their advice as an intrusion into your privacy and so there are bitter arguments in the family. The hurt is in both sides, children for lack of understanding from their parents and parents from the distance children maintain as they grow up.
Parents and children should not deviate from one another; rather they should meet half way. You as a parent should understand that your children have grown up with a mind of their own. You should not keep comparing them with the older generation and make judgment as to how their morality is less in comparison.
When time moves forward certain things change and you too should move along the tide. Otherwise you will miss out happy time with your children. I too went through this phase in my life. I could never acknowledge the fact that my daughter was growing up and thinking I was doing her good I would interfere into everything. I insisted that she should listen to me and she would feel hurt by my domination.
It was when I saw her deep hurt that I realized that I had crossed my limits. I vowed that I will give her a breathing space and never to breathe down her neck. To this day I am doing what I vowed, I always show her that I will be the first person to guide her when she needs me and she respects for that. We are the best of friends and many envy the friendly relationship we share.
Children should also understand that your parents live for you and when you move away from them your parents are hurt. You should ask their advice and their advice will be for you good and also priceless. When both can understand that each is an individual with individual thoughts and ideas it becomes easy for them to have a wonderful relationship of trust, love, friendliness and care.