How do your really know, or see the signs you are a victim of Domestic Violence or even Abuse.
Abusive people ill-treat men, women and children, in all walks of life. They can be politicians, celebrities and everyday ordinary people. There are several distinguished kinds of abuse:-
- Alcohol, which is self-inflicted.
- Domestic Violence.
- Child Abuse is physical beatings, sex and mental manipulation.
- Monomaniac possessive people.
Torturous actions done in this way to a Victim is Abuse no matter what kind it is.
My source is a celebrity male, who experienced ‘Domestic Violence’ by his ex-wife for 40 years. I have omitted names in this article, for privacy reasons. I have permission, to quote, his opinions and experiences to share with the readers about his ordeal.
Monomaniac possessive behaviour leading to abuse.
Within many relationships, men and women are tortured through jealous obsessive behaviour. These human emotions, for reasons known to the manipulator i.e. feel betrayed when there is ‘nothing going on’. These feelings can and do take over, which could be the main factors with a partner. Monomaniacs abuse their partner – the victim, by taking drastic measures to have control and power over them with physical beatings, mental cruelity and lies. In cases were a male is subjected to violence by their female counter-part, can and do not realise its happening.
Mr X’s experience of Domestic Violence
Mr X says, on looking back, “During the 18 years of marriage, with my ex-wife then. I was not aware there was anything wrong. When I did realise I became a victim to my ex-wife’s abuse. I felt betrayed, bad-tempered and emotionally full of guilt of allowing a person I had trusted and loved so much. However, I still believed her during the period she had been in the role of ‘publicity wife’ after we divorced. I knew over the years she was jealous and obsessive, she still is. I thought I could keep her jealousy under control, but could not”.
The readers can conclude in this article from Mr X’s past is that of Domestic Violence. Later on, it will show his ex-wife’s manipulative abusive behaviour towards him in the role of ‘publicity wife’.
Society, believes it to be a man’s thing – where by men are strong, providing and safeguarding their families.
Mr X remarks and believes, “I feel it was my duty to look after and protect my family, during my 18 years of marriage”.
In many cases, an assailant – he/she – will victimize and strip a person of their self-esteem and confidence with beatings, power, control, manipulation and lies into submission. The vulnerability of females and males do not realise what is happening to them. However, when realisation kicks in, which could take some time, persecution can make them feel they have no-where to go or anyone to turn to. Naturally, the world does not see what is going on, because he/she will put up and suffer with what the torturous person has done to them behind closed doors.
In some instances, the vehemently actions of the maltreater will try to persuade the friends and family of the abusable person, which will look like they are not telling the truth. Therefore, the vulnerability within that person will fear that family and friends will not believe them. Victims will go through an emotional process of being bad-tempered and self-destructiveness; they can even sometimes end up with psychotic problems and mental issues, due to feeling defenceless against of being misbelieved with no support. It will take strength and courage to over come the fear to find a person within their circle of family and friends. Once they obtain support, they will get through it by speaking out and getting further help with their supportive person. I hope some of these links will help for counselling, type into your browser the following:-
if you require further help for counselling please try and research for organisations. MIND, S.A.S.H (Survivors of Abuse and Self-Harm, Counselling Directory. AbusedWomen.org
Monomaniacs can and do manipulate the love of their offspring to have total control over their partner. This happened with Mr X and his ex-wife, in order for her to hang on to fame and fortune.
Mr X enlightens and declares to the readers, “I am a musician by profession. My ex-wife lavished on money and fame. Unbeknown to me, she also influenced our children against me, but our marriage ended with the affairs she had. However, for the sake of our children we amicably agreed to live separate lives in the matrimonial home. During this time, I offered my ex-wife a job of being my ‘publicity wife’. For the sake of my children and privacy I managed to keep this from the press and media”.
In research, I have found some victims who felt alone and could not cope, but have managed to find professional counselling. Where as, others who felt they could cope with the support of someone close to them, can move on and away from their experience.
Mr X affirms, “My family and new wife have been very supportive and I felt I can cope. Therefore, I did not consider professional counselling”.
For a survivor of abuse, whichever route they choose for counselling they sometimes can and do still feel scared and under pressure of their perpetrator of what they could still do to them – i.e. STOP THE VICTIM DISCLOSING ANY FACTS TO WHAT HAS HAPPENED.
Mr X says, “I was scared and worried; whilst my ex-wife was still in the role of ‘publicity wife’ of what she could still do to me in my public life, with her interference, controlling and manipulative tactics”.
Naturally, victims need to be strong and brave. In research, I found the assailant unstoppable with threats. They can and do turn their attention towards the victim’s family, close supportive person or sometimes a professional counsellor if known to them, to contort circumstances they have chosen, to feel rewarded and self-satisfied. They do this to the person they are victimising, to make them look as if they are in the wrong. The vulnerable person feels scared, barricaded in, no-where to turn to, and not believed when this happens.
Mr X states, “It did, with me, but perseverance will prevail with support”.
An abuser can be of any age, teenager; young adult; even a middle-aged person, but violent actions is within the depths of the assailant to abuse a decent person, just for their own sick and selfish means.
Mr X’s opinion is that, “I was brought up to be honest and truthful. I did not see the signs of the ex’s abusive behaviour towards my kids and me. I feel most people brought up in this way, will not see the signs of control and manipulation. I also feel that many victims lose self-respect and confidence, as I did in my personal life”.
The perpetrator, who vehemently hurts another person, could have mental disorders and health issues:-
- Such a person cannot be contained with temper management issues they will get out of control, lash out at their partners and other people who are close to them.
- Drugs and drink can be another problem, which will effect their personality; in such a way that they too will lash out to people in their close nit circle.
The readers can understand that; victims of abuse will if not treated, will be violent. There is emotional and mental damage, which more than likely as a child were never able to grow and develop properly. With these kinds of illusionists who are damaged and mentally ill, can relate to other people as objects, just solely to treat and destroy another person in this way. Psychotic and personality disorders are another problem, where by they will have the need to take control and power over other peoples lives, which would be satisfying to them. As in Mr X’s case, Monomaniac and possessiveness will take a grip of any person and can be soul destroying to the victim.
Mr X informs and declares to the readers, “I would like people to be aware of how important it is to keep my personal life away from my public life. My ex-wife is so obsessive and jealous. She will go to great lengths to maintain from our past lives ‘fame and fortune’”.
These human emotions within people if not dealt with can spiral out of control. These people will just simply go out of their way to pervert people and circumstances for their own selfish reasons, to get what they want.
Mr X says, “My ex-wife is my abuser, who has made threats in the past of going to ‘the media’ to get her story out, to make a claim to fame and fortune, of what she thinks and believes that our lives should remain the same”.
The readers can understand from this; assailants are afraid people will catch them out – they have the need to cover up their actions by prevarication.
Mr X adds, “I know my ex-wife will lie and manipulate the media”.
We all believe in society, everyone, is taught right from wrong, no matter who teaches a person from an early age, parents; teachers; grandparents, etc., this is the base of being a human being.
No matter whom the victim of abuse is in society, a celebrity, Hi-profile or everyday ordinary person, disclosure of their personal lives, without consideration of their feelings caused by their abuser done solely for their self-satisfaction. Distinguishing between private and public is to expose by placing or taking advantage of them in a vulnerable position could be very awkward.
Mr X explains about his reputation, “I am a very private person. From an early age, I have always wanted to sing and make music. My brothers and I have worked hard to get where we are today. Over the years, I have managed with my brothers to build up a good household name publically. I will not tolerate any lies and manipulation done by my ex, just so she can get a story out to the media”
The innocent person may well have built up a good reputable position in society. Sometimes, revealing the vulnerability of a person who has survived their violator causes stress and ruin of their good name.
Here Mr X explains his experiences with the media, “In the 60’s early 70’s the press got involved with the break up of our band. It was a bad time; the press noticed the bad vibes of family arguments between my brothers and me and printed it”.
The readers can conclude from Mr X’s ordeals. That his ex-wife can and could destroy his good reputation that he has worked for all of his life. In the event of her violating and breaking her agreement with him, by going to the press and media who will ‘take on board’ a good headline.
In some instances, journalists of newspapers ‘can and do’ do not do their homework properly, which could amount to liable and slander, just so they can promulgate a good article/story about someone.
Mr X adds, “This is why I have agreed to publish my experience of domestic violence in this way, to help others. I leave it to the imagination of the readers of who I am”.
Publication done in this way by journalist’s amounts to gossip, in effect it can and does destroy a life’s work through libel and slander.
Mr X further adds, “I have been highly motivated with the love and drive for music, this kept me conservative and positive. The outlook helped me to be a ‘Famous Musician’ today. Throughout the years, I have maintained a high profile where no one had any idea of abuse within my personal and public life. My ex’s behaviour, of which I was not aware of until this was pointed out to me; I felt despair and gullible to what had happened. The help and support of my family and the emotional drive for music, kept me going. Due to my ex-wife’s claim for ‘fame and fortune’ and the interfering tactics she has caused in the past. This did put tremendous pressure and strain on my marriage with my new wife, but now we are through it. My ex-wife has NOW ‘AGREED’ to leave my adult children, my family and me alone. I will sue my ex if she does not stand by her agreement and breaks it. I will not tolerate the lies and manipulation caused by her. I want the truth to come out with no lies and manipulation, so that it will help other people with what I have gone through. I do sympathize with other people, victim or not, who go through media coverage when they have done ‘No Wrong’”.
To the readers, if you feel you have gone through any symptoms of abuse, I have described in this article, please get help. Have faith, strength and courage to overcome your abuser. They are the ones who are in the ‘wrong’ NOT YOU, to what they have done to you. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. LET YOUR ABUSER, ASSAILANT TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR THEIR ACTIONS. YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
IF NOT DEALT WITH, ABUSE DESTROYS LIFE.
© June 2011