This is Edlives & Better Half here. She’s been so busy wiping the butts and He’s been so busy bringing home the bacon…It’s Thursday night & we have once again procrastinated to the last minute to write this week’s rant. This week’s topic should be REALLY EASY though. Its about those little things your lovers/partners/spouses do that annoy the living crap outta ya!
SHE SAYS’ TOP 5 “WHYNES”:
#5 – Why do I have to clean HIS toilet and mine? It is the MOST disgusting job on the face of the planet. Even the time by son almost puked in my mouth ranks lower than this one! Women, we will know we’ve truly shattered that “Glass Ceiling” when men actually do this chore and its 50/50 down the middle. CLEAN YOUR OWN CRAP!
#4 – Why am I the one who is supposed to know where EVERYTHING is? I’m suppose to be like that crazy dude on Psych or Monk, my mind instantly taking snapshots of all surroundings catching each little tiny detail. Well, I have to admit its an acquired skill. The other day I was on the phone with my Mom and told her where something was in HER pantry. Go figure. Its on the third shelf right hand corner, Ma.
#3 – Why is my husband the ONLY one on planet earth that talks more than I do? He requires so much of my listening skill, it’s like I’m training to be the all-time Olympic Champion Listener. Aren’t most guys supposed to be reserved and nonverbal? Not my guy…I had to pick the one that could talk me under the table. Uhhh…wait a minute…we weren’t talking……Okay. So, anyhow, He does do funny voices and impressions though and he’s even got a few original comedic moments, but don’t tell him I said that…
#2 – Why is my husband the ONLY one who cracks HIS TOES? This is the craziest habit. I have to admit when we first got married it was like nails on a chalkboard and I thought I would go crazy! Now, many many many years later it’s probably something I would miss if he wasn’t around. Sappy…whatever!
And the all-time top top top thing that annoys the living CRAP outta me…
#1 – Why does my husband leave his dishes 2 inches from the sink? What the (*&^%? He can’t move 2 more inches and put the stupid thing IN the sink? What is that? I do NOT get it and IT BUGS THE CRAP OUTTA ME!!!!!!! I have to admit he’s gotten better in recent years at getting it to the sink but it took me like a decade to get him to do it. I gotta put in another 10 freakin’ years to see him make it to the dishwasher! (I’m not holding my breath, Ladies!)
But in truth He’s my best friend and I will live with these things for as long as we’re married. Which at this point, probably not so long……XANGAN DUDES this may be slanted (sorry fellas!) but my house is overflowing with testosterone. Being the lone female, I am TRULY outnumbered and fighting a losing battle. You Mommas out there should relate to this stuff or even worse maybe I’m the only one suffering. If not girls, sound off!
HE SAYS’ TOP 5 “WHYNES”:
#5 – Why does she preface questions with “your gonna hate me”, and then NOT ask the question? How in the world can I answer the question if SHE doesn’t ask it? And NO, I don’t think I could ever HATE someone I care about. I do HATE it when she doesn’t ask or delays the inevitable question asking.
#4 – Why does she always say “WE”? “We’re going to paint this room this color…” I know what it really means: My weekend is shot, and I’m looking at taking a day off to take care of the “other” things she didn’t initially plan for.
#3 – Why does she want my dish in the sink so bad? Ok, I do put them on the counter. But I have to have ONE thing that annoys her…(yeah, the secrets out). After all, isn’t that why she’s around…to put my dish in the sink? (I’m gonna get slapped for that one!) I figure another 10-20 years, and I’ll put it in the sink regularly. After all, I have to make sure she feels like she’s making progress….right?
#2 -Why does she always ask”Honey, Do I….”? Here’s one that will trip any man up. The answer is NO SHE DOESN’T. Better
Half is an extremely attractive woman. And back me up men, no matter what we answer, the women won’t believe us.
#1 – Why is she ALWAYS late? I’ve found that over the years, Better Half has her own clock. It’s not a clock that runs on a 24 hour timetable. In fact, our family calls it Better half time. In short, we call it “plan for the hour”. When SHE says she’ll be an HOUR getting ready, going shopping, or anything else… expect at least two.
Suffice it to say that it took me some serious time to come up with these five. I admit, SHE has a great point. Ok, several. But someone has to step up and speak for the “other” side. I end this list by declaring that five11nation still has the dubious challenge of doing my eulogy. To be honest, SHE is the one who I believe got the short end of the deal. After all, that’s why she is the Better Half.
Feel free to chime in with your own two cents on this post or future posts. We’d like to hear what you have to say, and ANY future topic suggestions for the “He Said, She Said” weekly rants.
You can also keep track of these weekly posts, and any future ramblings of Better Half at edlivesbetterhalf.
Until later, We’re Fried!
Edlives and Edlivesbetterhalf.