IT can happen in the blink of an eye. Attraction. Excitement. Romance. But for too many Sisters who are searching for Mr. Right (not Mr. Right Now), the game of love is a crooked road of broken promises where the coveted jackpot, referred to as “the one,” is too late, long-gone or maybe destined to never show at all.
But there is hope.
“Although there is risk in love, there are also great rewards when passion and purpose fall within the right embrace,” says Dr. Grace Cornish, author of 7 Spiritual Truths to Recognize and Marry Your Very Own Soul Mate. So before you jump on the twisted path of romance, familiarize yourself with the signs you’ll encounter along the way, and recognize which will lead your hopes and heart to the man of your dreams. The following tips should help you gauge the possibilities and help you determine if he’s “the one”:
* He Listens to You. Before your man opens his heart to you, he has to first open his ears. “Genuine concern manifests itself in listening to the cares, concerns and issues of your woman,” says Anthony Woodson, president and CEO of BlackLoveForever.com, a matchmaking service that has resulted in nearly 500 marriages. “A man who wants to be around you for the long-term will be a good listener when you need him. He will be a dependable source of guidance and support and will not turn a deaf ear simply because the problem is too big. If he doesn’t know the solution, he will try his best to find one.”
* There is a Natural Ease and Flow. Relationship experts say there is a natural chemistry that defines your interaction when you meet your perfect fit. “You don’t have to push it, force it, tug it, pull it or cut the edges to make it fit,” says Debrena Jackson Gandy, international speaker and author of All the Joy You Can Stand. “There is an undeniable ease and flow to the relationship. You can see it and others around you can as well.”
* You Don’t Have to Compromise Who You Are. A person who you have to change for isn’t the person for you. “You should maintain and enjoy a continued, if not healthier, sense of self when you are with your partner,” says Tandra McMurray, a 30-something Chicago single who has had her share of “Mr. Wrongs.” “He should make you feel good about being you, while always encouraging you to be better. If a man doesn’t feel good about himself, it will be hard for him to make you feel good about being you.”
* You Trust Him. When you trust your partner, you open your relationship up to a world of possibilities. Without trust, the relationship can’t grow and is likely to be doomed. “To trust a man is to believe that he is doing his best and that he wants the best for his partner,” says Jel D. Lewis, relationship expert and columnist. “The secret to growing in trust is not to expect your man to be perfect.” Maintaining realistic expectations is key to understanding your role and his.
* He Enriches Your Life. Being in love should have productive benefits for enhancing your quality of life. “Your Mr. Right should stretch your imagination and stimulate your desires,” says Dr. Grace Cornish, spiritual psychologist and author of You Deserve Healthy Love Sis’. “He should, at all times and through all things, look out for your best interests. He should never compete with you because he knows what is good for you is good for him. A good man encourages and supports you professionally, personally and spiritually.”
* He’d Be Your Friend Even If He Wasn’t Your Man. Too often, we assume that our partners are our friends, but friendships must be built slowly, over time and with nurturing. “I don’t believe in friends first, but friends always,” says Gandy, creator of the motivational tape Make Space So Joy Has A Place. “If this person is truly a good fit for you, then his qualities should be desirable even if you are not in a relationship. You would still have this person in your life if you were not in a relationship. That’s true friendship.”
* He Pampers You. Not to be confused with spoiling, pampering is a celebration of womanhood, rather than pure indulgence of self. “Through his words and his actions, he shows you that you are different from any other woman in his life,” says Woodson, whose matchmaking service, Black Love Forever, has more than 1,500 members. “He demonstrates, on a daily basis, that you are his queen. He caters to you. He cares for you. Whether he shampoos your hair, prepares your meal or massages your feet, he is demonstrating his affection and the privilege that it is to be in your life.”
* Both of You Share Common Ground. Despite your religious background or affiliation, having a common and unified direction spiritually, socially, financially and economically creates cohesiveness. If you cannot agree on fundamental values, it is unlikely that you will go very far (and if so, not for long). It’s not enough to simply be together. You must be willing and able to grow together.
* You Become a Part of His World. When you meet a man’s parents, his children, his co-workers and his closest friends, you are getting a true glimpse of who he is, not just who he is when he is around you. A man who is serious about making you his partner will not only want you to be a part of his world, he’ll create avenues of openness so that you can enjoy his world, his people and his interests.
* He Sacrifices For You. The right man will consider sacrificing for you an honor, not a burden. “When he is willing to give you what belongs to him, even before you ask for it, you know that he is serious about you,” says Woodson. “It’s not considered a ‘sacrifice’ when it’s done with a good heart; it’s an investment in the future of two people. Whether it’s time, money or energy, a man will give what he has to the woman he wants.”
Although these tips serve as a good guideline for women who want to know if he’s “the one,” Dr. Grace Cornish counsels single women to not get caught up looking for love in a certain package. “If you think he’s the one, don’t write him off just because he’s not wearing a certain suit or driving a certain car,” she says. “Get to know who he is and what his values are. After moving beyond the physical, you can enter the emotional and spiritual, where you’ll find love and opportunity waiting and smiling back at you.”
COPYRIGHT 2005 Johnson Publishing Co.
COPYRIGHT 2005 Gale Group