Ealing broken heart is not impossible. Follow these tips to repair a broken heart and life on the road.
If you’re the “dump-er” or the “dump-ee,” chances are a broken relationship will leave you heartbroken too. Can not believe at the time, but there are ways of putting the pieces.
The first step is to accept the fact that the break is indeed a real loss – if you have been involved in six weeks, six months, six years or a lifetime. “Give yourself permission to go through all the stages of grief,” says North Carolina therapist Alan Konell, MSW, author of Partnership Tools: Transforming Way we live together. “The denial, grief, anger, acceptance … the challenge is to get through each of these steps.”
So depressed that he can be when your loved one walks out the door, said Konell, try focusing on the present. “Feel your feelings, but I do not think” she advises. “It feels bad is good, but predicting the rest of your life where you feel so bad.” In other words, despite how you feel and what you say to yourself – and everyone who will listen – it is unlikely that you will never love again and intended to spend Valentine’s Day after all always yourself.
“Falling in love is about you,” says Konell. “It’s not the other person. You will still be able to love. No one can take that from you.”
There are generally two responses to a broken heart, Konell said. The first is: “Oh, I’ll never go through it again.” The second is: “I survived that so I can relax … I know I can survive it again. “
“I suggest the second response,” says Konell.
In a report to the American Psychological Association, delivered at Harvard University psychology professor Daniel M. Wegner, Ph.D., and his own take to overcome the loss of a loved one. Do not stop thinking about the other person, contrary to what many people thought that there would only keep the embers burning.
In studies of 70 young men and women, Wegner found that if you remove these painful thoughts of your loved one, you stop you get used to the idea that he (or she) is really gone. So every time the thought arises again in your mind, your body will react to the distress, as if for the first time – with all the pain that came with that first, too. So if you can not get your ex from your mind, Wegner suggests, just to yield.
This does not mean around all day, tears flowing in a pint of Cherry Garcia. There are other things you can do to the relationship experts say.
L. Joan Allen, MA, co-author of the celebration of one and get love, suggests the following:
* Do something for someone else. Volunteer at a soup kitchen, hospital, nursing home, or other organization to support you. “Give her time to help someone else helps you take your mind off your problems and makes you feel really at the end of the day,” says Allen.
* Relax with a massage, manicure, fresh flowers, or a weekend in a place you’ve never explored. (This is not the time to step back in time and stay at this lovely B & B you and your ex lover visited once!)
* Adopt a pet. “Animals give you an unlimited amount of attention and love,” said Allen. If you live in an apartment and can not own a pet, friends sitting to PET or volunteer in a local SPCA.
* Keep a journal and write what you have learned about what was the role of the break (even if you believed you were innocent, it is likely that they were not – at least not completely). Write what you do to avoid the next report. “This should give you a good idea of what they are not negotiable,” says Allen.
* Spend time with friends and family who will feed you and keep you from feeling alone.
* Learn something new. Take a class. Start a hobby.
* Think of it this time, a new chapter of your life, says Allen. “Discover your passion and make a plan to achieve the goal … to start a business, going to school, write a book.”
Marital therapist and syndicated sex / relationship columnist Isadora Alman said another technique that works well is to keep a mental balance. For every single thought “how cute, she / he was when he / she does X”, on the other side of the scale is an “unpleasant way s / he was when he / she has Y . “
“It is important to remember at this moment more than ever, the bad with the good,” says Alman.
Karla Erovick, dating expert and author of love to this day, when Love: Secrets of the meeting, has more tips:
* Move on. Make a clean break. “You should not keep calling your ex,” said Erovick.
* Products Exchange. If you have each other’s property, arrange a time to discuss and choose a neutral location.
* Change your routine. Do not give himself much time complaining. “It is important to develop new activities and schedules so you do not have many associations with your ex”, Erovick said.
* Change the appearance. Get a new haircut or color, buy new clothes.
* Start the program in order to be ready for the summer season.
* Learning a foreign language, and to plan a vacation.
* Write three things you are grateful for every day. Do not repeat. “You can think of three new things every day,” says Erovick.
* Visit the therapist will help you put things in perspective.
* Accept all invitations to be present.
* Attend a religious service.
* Search the market for your anger, if it is meditation, sports, or using a punching bag as a pillow (then again, this can be a good time to start taking boxing to learn!).
It is not nothing you can do to change the nature of the loss, says Tina Tessina, PhD, LMFT, a licensed psychotherapist in Southern California, and written 11 books, including how to be a couple and still be free. The pain, anger and frustration are normal reactions to the circumstances. “And ‘normal to hear that this could happen again, the anger that has happened at all, the necessity of prayer and comfort, and periods of being overwhelmed and can not continue to think,” says Tessina. “But you reach a point to accept and understand that this loss is a part of people’s lives at risk, we all live.”
Finally, remember that “all those who have already received at a loss at a time and she thought that it would not,” said Alan Konell. “But you will. And you will see that you always this ability to open your heart and love. “