prolonging the cold war

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I put my heart out in everything I do, that made me so vulnerable to pain. The failures and unprepared situations cut me through and almost cost my life. Looking back, how I grew up from a very disturbed childhood, frustrated as to why things run differently as to other families around. It made me yearn in dreaming more and be focused on those goals originated in my mind during my childhood days. I may have gone on wrong paths but still I am in line with my objectives. I came from a family who had its ups and downs, and belong to an almost broken one. I failed in this game called love, that naive as I was, gave my all, and yet I got nothing. The misery I was able to cope up and made me as to who I am now, helped me become a better and stronger person than ever before. The responsibility of an older sibling was channeled to me, because he chose to follow his heart rather than standing up for us his family. I am left with the obligation that whatever may cost on shouldering the responsibility, it was just I alone face. This predicament I am in now with my sibling is getting worse as time evolves without communication anymore. It came to this point because as we grow and handling mature stuffs in life, his impression of uplifting my family is of my selfish motives. It bruised my ego that came to a point that I could disown him. It feels like my efforts of saving my family was of no credit to him. He just dont have any idea what I have been through just for standing up for the sake of our family. It all goes down that he just counted none of my sacrifices, thus, making me feel like a useless one.


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