Forgiveness Starts With You

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All too often the existence of being a part of something special may bring on several different factors.  Some people may find themselves in total bliss day by day, while others may find themselves feeling like they are in a day to day struggle, while others may find themselves feeling a combination of the two on a regular basis, unsure of how to find that area in their lives when it balances out freely.

In most cases this can be viewed as a part of life, you grow emotionally to learn about yourself.  In some instances not acknowledging situations and/or incidents can lead to devestating patterns in one’s life.  But when this battle emotionally is more than can be handled, professional assistance needs to be sought, whether personally or by those closely surrounding the person involved.

Through factors outside of our own personality and beliefs, we are often told that we need or should learn to forgive others for their actions against us, whether physical or verbal.  We often can hear ourselves repeating this same information to our children and friends to aide them in learning to cope with their own day to day issue’s.  With one major flaw that I believe is constant, not enough people have learned how to forgive themselves first.

When life appears to be going in directions that we are not quite prepared for, we tend to look on the outside first for answers to our questions.  We tend to easily find a reasonable cause with something occuring around us as to the direction that we are currently heading, when in reality, if you take a closer look at your direct involvement in the situation, you perhaps have a bigger role than you prefer to admit.

This is not about accepting blame and being the better person, as some believe.  This is and should be about learning that it is okay to find forgiveness for yourself.  There is no one harder on you, than yourself.  We often put limits and rules on our own happiness and expectations that when they are not accomplished, we consider ourselves a huge failure or as incompetent.  Having just one person, whether friend or stranger discover your weak point, is unfortunately all that it takes.

When learning to forgive yourself is not something that you have mastered just yet it can eventually lead you to live a life, or a good portion of it, in a repeating pattern.  These patterns for unknown reasons can go on for years without being seen or acknowledged, perhaps in part due to denial or by means of the belief ‘unconditional love’.

Most people, at some point in their lives can look back and find that there is something that they wish they had done differently, or said in a different manner.  However when you are able to reflect back to that moment, keep in mind that not only are you looking at a past memory, but that it has already happened.  As much as we try to go back in time and right our wrongs, moving into the future by knowledge you have learned is one of many steps you will be able to accomplish.

You want to be able to look at all sides of whatever situation you are in or that is holding you back.  But you first have to learn how to do this openly and honest with yourself.  It’s easy to accept the fault in others as to why you did or said something, however it’s hard to admit that you truly should have avoided this or that, regardless of what was currently at hand.  Once this is done, then you can start to work on forgiving yourself.

When you can truly find forgiveness for yourself and/or your own actions, it helps to open up alot of new experiences, some that may even be right in front of you that you truly have not yet recognized.  You will be able to look at situations differently and work through them on your own terms and time, not by what is expected by the opinions or belief of others.

In my opinion, not every person or action will deserve forgiveness.  In some cases, the outcome will be having learned a better understanding of certain events.  Regardless of the end result, most people build walls so high themselves that they forget to leave a space to walk through, believing in yourself as a person or individual capable of conquering the impossible is an action that rewards itself on a daily basis, not only for you but for those around you.

Asking for the help of others does not in anyway reflect bad on you, if it is done for the right reasons.  Too many times we deal with people and/or friends asking for help, only to find that what they wanted took 1st place to what they needed.

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