If you are dealing with separation, you may be wondering if you should save your marriage and keep your family together, or separate. Statistics on the effects of divorce on children show that children going through divorce are more at risk of developing problems than children in intact families. Some of these include: depression, anxiety, behavioural problems and more. Dealing with separation is hard, and children going through divorce suffer. Knowing this, several families have found programs that have given them tools to rekindle their love, and avoid the impacts of their children going through divorce. They are able to rejuvenate their marriage, and avoid the effects of divorce on children (with outside help for marriage).
Dealing with separation is difficult, and no one wants to see their children going through divorce. Getting help for marriage also presents a challenge, and Toronto marriage counseling may not provide you with the quick fix you’re looking for.
So, can you save your marriage and avoid the effects of divorce on children? We believe many families can. Keep reading.
Imagine for a moment a typical argument between you and your spouse. Do you get to the root of the disagreement? Didn’t think so… That’s okay, several people accessing services like Toronto marriage counseling don’t either. It’s difficult to find the cause of the disagreement because your focus in the heat of the moment is to win the argument, rather than to save your marriage.
Arguments that seem enormous at the time look trivial after you and your partner have made up. There are two reasons for this:
First, they seem enormous because when each of us argues there is a part of us that feels threatened, which makes us react impulsively. So in the midst of the disagreement, it feels as if you are fighting for your survival. At that time your ability to reason is diminished.
Second, arguments look trivial later on because you can see the situation clearly in hindsight. You get present to the love you have for your family and you see how insignificant the argument is in the grand scheme of things. This realization occurs when you have focused on how to keep your family, rather than thinking about dealing with separation. This new awareness also comes from no longer underestimating the effects of divorce on children, and allows you to reset your priorities.
Here is a tip to help you remember your desire to keep your family and save your marriage (even during arguments). Write down and share with your spouse the important elements about your family. Place your list in front of you when you argue, so you get really present to how important your family is to you. This will bring you to a higher place during arguments that will make the disagreement seem trivial.
We encourage couples who are struggling to look for help for marriage and explore ways to keep your family. You may access help for marriage or Toronto marriage counseling, while at the same time anchoring yourself in your commitment to your family.