By Jeff Chisholm
Few know why relationship problems happen or how to find marriage help that will actually work.
Many people assume that they should be able to maintain a happy relationship without much marriage advice or guidance. Some think they just need the right partner. And so, when things aren’t working they turn to separation as a solution.
Trouble is, the impact of separation on a couple’s children can be life altering, even life threatening. But, despite these potentially grave implications, people frequently choose separation to escape and to recouple with a new “better partner” as the best solution to their relationship troubles.
But if this were a real solution, the divorce rate in second marriages would be lower than the first. Instead, the divorce rate goes up dramatically as people remarry in search of that elusive “better partner.”
I think people rarely consider that they need to become a new “better partner” before they take the drastic step of leaving their marriage and recoupling. The fact is that it is hard to create and maintain a relationship that meets the needs of both partners.
It has become a normal practice in our culture to fix or replace things when they break, not keep them from getting broken. The same goes for relationship problems. People look for relationship tips and marriage help in self-help books, workshops or weekend retreats – a whole industry has developed around the desire by people to quickly “fix” themselves and their relationship problems.
The marriage advice and relationship tips found in marriage help books and quick courses might be interesting but ultimately will not create the type of lasting change people are looking for. The results speak for themselves – not enough people in happy, fulfilling relationships.
The best relationship tips and marriage advice you can get is that there are no quick fixes to relationship problems. Virtually any relationship can be created in a way that has the entire family thrive. But it takes real work, and for those couples who are struggling, some skillful guidance.
Meaningful marriage help is available to couples who are struggling. There are exciting new discoveries about how our minds work that will change the way people relate to themselves and others.
Real solutions don’t come in the form of a quick fix. It’s time to stop searching for what’s going to ‘fix’ broken relationships and time to start exploring what it’s going to take to become the kind of extraordinary partners that each of us know we can be.