Still in Search of Buddha

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Groping in the darkness of my inner self, I walked along the shores of Krishna, with a hope of reaching you, Oh Buddha! The monks of Sangam in maroon and saffron were passing by. But still I was a fish out of water, wandering in obscurity with the same questions you were carrying on the banks of the Ganges. Renowned as an ancient Buddhist center, Amaravathi has rediscovered its past glory of Buddhism, and was preparing for the Kalachakra festival, when I reached there.

I wandered over to visit all the ancient viharas of your memory. But I could not reach the bottom of your teaching. Is it because of the fast tides of the time? Or is it because of the changing values of the consumer world? Then what is it that is tormenting me at this computer age?

Oh Gautama, the same tormenting questions!

Caste and creed were crushing the people around you. Is it the denial of grace? Or denial of love? But you were baffled when a human being was denied of love or his love was thwarted and was thrown into miseries. Of course we find history filled with such incidents influenced by factors such as love and its denial. From the very first experience of love at the breast of the mother till the last breath when the very existence of the physical body is denied, life is a journey swinging on the thread of love!

What made you compassionate?

You stood astonished at each and every being. The creeping insects, the chirping birds, the swimming fishes, the hurrying animals and all the living beings in nature whispered in the ears of your conscience the secrets of every existence! Is that because you visualized the image of the Supreme Being in every life? Do you think the law of Karma is the law of the survival of the fittest? I am sure you might have felt that the law of Karma may undermine the law of love.

Oh Buddha! What is “enlightenment”?

Where can we also get the enlightenment that you experienced at Gaya? How was the “Sakyamuni” “the silent sage” changed into “Buddha” “the enlightened one” ? We are struggling to understand your words “No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path.”

Every day we come across numerous signs which questioned your heart. Those were the four signs which made you, Siddhartha the man, to be known as Buddha: An old man, a sick man, a corpse and a monk. The first three people displaying the signs of suffering which seemed to run through the core of human life in aging, sickness and finally fall to death. But we are in no way affected or changed!

Enlighten us with your words

“When ignorant people see someone who is old, they are disgusted and horrified, even though they too will be old some day. I thought to myself: I don’t want to be like the ignorant people. After that, I couldn’t feel the usual intoxication with youth anymore.

When ignorant people see someone who is sick, they are disgusted and horrified, even though they too will be sick some day. I thought to myself: I don’t want to be like the ignorant people. After that, I couldn’t feel the usual intoxication with health anymore.

When ignorant people see someone who is dead, they are disgusted and horrified, even though they too will be dead some day. I thought to myself: I don’t want to be like the ignorant people. After that, I couldn’t feel the usual intoxication with life anymore.”

Oh Buddha still I am searching for you

The time you lived on this earth is much changed. I don’t know in what way life has changed. Because Love cannot change. It is eternal. If I can find real Love I can find you! I can fulfill the meaning of my life! Teach me how I can attain this LOVE through your Four Noble Truths. I want to live in THIS age!

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