Dating – Does Persistence Really Pay Off?

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We have always been told that if at first we don’t succeed, we must try, try again. This holds true in most aspects of our lives for nothing worth having has ever been attained without hard work.  President Calvin Coolidge put it this way:

Nothing in the world can take the place of Persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan “Press On” has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race.

But does this hold true in the area of dating and relationships? I dare to say it does not; at least not in the way some men seem to think.  When men view women as a prize to be won at any cost, it will not turn out well. They believe that they can win the fair maiden in the same way they got the promotion they wanted. If they keep plugging away at it, working harder than that other guy, they will beat out the competition, right? Maybe…. But you need to exhibit some attractive qualities the other guy doesn’t have; not just call her more often.  You can’t merely wear the woman down with constant calls and date requests.  She may give in and go out with you –ONCE.  But if you call her again and she declines, leave her alone.

Here’s what some men refuse to understand; if a woman says “No”, or “I’m not interested”, or she will not return your phone calls, take that as a sign that she is truly not interested. Continuing to plague her with calls, text messages, etc. only serves to make you appear desperate. This is not a very attractive trait for anyone to have. Believe me when I say that when persistence starts to look like desperation, obsession or (God forbid) stalking, women will run for the hills.

Here is a quote from a lesser-known source, Esther Walker; a columnist for London’s The Independent:

Persistence is at first flattering and then annoying. And then creepy.

So guys, when you are chasing the girl of your dreams, slow down occasionally to see if she actually wants to be caught. If she does, she will slow down as well. She may even turn the tables and chase you.  But if she keeps running at a sprinter’s pace, chances are she really does want to get away. Take the hint and turn your attention elsewhere.

©2011 – Andrea J. Shannon

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