One of the many questions a person has after they found out their spouse has been having marital affair is how do you move pass the pain once and for all? It is a given that while your spouse hurt you pretty badly that you do not want to spend the rest of your life in a constant state of misery. In fact in all likelihood you want to get past this as soon as you can.
That is most certainly understandable but to reach that end result means dealing with what happened as well as the negative thoughts and feelings that go with it. No you have no wish to keep reliving their two timing over and over but unfortunately running away practically guarantees that you will.
Does that mean you should sit down with your spouse on however many occasions you need and talk about what happened? The answer is it all depends on you.
There is really no one size fits all solution but there are several options open to you. It really comes down to which of these will help you to heal in the best way possible.
1. Every Thing
With some people the details of the affair are very important to the healing process. They want and need to know everything about what happened. This can include things like what days did the affair take place, the time of day and where. The breakdown can go even further to the absolute most insignificant details.
The point is to not so much relive the hurt but to reconstruct a complete picture so there are no shades of gray left. It also may be a way of keeping themselves alert to possible warning signs in the future should they decide to continue the marriage.
2. Just Enough
This group is only interested in a general sense of what was going on. They have no real interest in rehashing all the intimate details of the affair. For instance they want to know who their significant other was carrying on the affair with and perhaps the time frame but that is all.
Delving into every single part is not their style. That could be because doing so would cause more pain than they care to go through or it just is not necessary to helping them heal.
3. Not At All
The injured party does not want to know in anyway. What’s done is done and going into the particulars is not going to make things better. In fact from their point of view it would only make things a lot worse. They are focused on rebuilding the marriage and any specifics of any kind could easily jeopardize that goal.