Your mad at him for not doing the dishes he promised he would do, he is mad at you for letting the kids go to their friends after he explicitly told them no. Before you know it the bills, your mother, and your weight have all been thrown in your face. So in retaliation you hurl back his golf obsession, his inability to listen, and his refusal to hang up his towel after a shower.
Take a deep breath and relax, these are problems most married couples have. It’s how you deal with them that will really factor in to your ability to overcome these issues and allow you again enjoy the bliss you felt the day you were wed.
While the list of marital woe is surely over a mile long, there are some hard hitting contenders for the top ranked troubles. What you have to remember is that most of these issues are easily resolved with effective communication and a proactive attitude from both sides.
Sex always has been and always will be a huge factor in marriage. Whether it’s too much or not enough, or with someone other than your spouse, sex will always be stirring the pot somehow. The key to this is to communicate each others needs definitively and respond accordingly and within reason. There has to be a compromise somewhere, you probably aren’t going to go from getting it once a month to getting it five times a day, shoot for something in the middle. Remember that sex can be a great stress reliever as well. Maybe your days are hectic and seem to bleed into each other as you accomplish your lengthy list of chores, but make time. It will make both parties feel better and more relaxed.
Children and your willingness to have them can be a deal breaker in some marriages. This is always something that should be discussed before your walk down the isle. Maybe you didn’t talk about it, or maybe you have just changed your mind, either way if couples can not agree on whether or not to have children they are likely headed to an end. It is rare that someone who feels that need to be a parent would give up the opportunity for the sake of another. The pull to bear children can be very great on some. The flip side to this would be one’s inability to have children. This too can cause great stress and strain on couples. Counseling should be the first thing on your list. Other things to consider may be fertility clinics or adoption.
Moving along with the theme of child rearing, parenting is another obvious issue couples face today. Parenting philosophies and ideas should be shared by parents to create a stable atmosphere for your children. If you and your spouse constantly argue and fight about how certain things should be done or handled you send mixed signals to your child. Adolescence is a time for learning and developing character for children that will define who they are as adults. This is another area where compromise and counseling can be very beneficial.
Financial stress on a relationship can be as destructive as a tornado ripping through a trailer park. It can take an otherwise happy stable marriage and turn it into an episode of Jerry Springer. Financial hardship can trigger depression, anger, and rage in an otherwise healthy person. Getting your finances in order, a likely difficult task, can give you freedom from money related stress. Some things that can help would be moving into a smaller more affordable home, cutting back on luxuries such as cable, or using your cell phone as a home phone. Consult a debt consolidation company. There are many ways to cut your financial strain, if you are willing.
Boredom is another big obstacle in marriages. People tend to get comfortable, forgetting to keep the electricity flowing. Think back to when you first got together, what kind of things did you do? Taking a night off from the kids for a mommy/daddy date is not against the law. Taking one night away from the office is not going to get you fired. Don’t forget to romance each other, bring back the butterflies.
There are many more common marital issues such as jealousy, insecurities, annoyance, lack of respect, bad habits, etc. The important thing is that you recognize and address these problems within your own relationship. Ignoring them will not make them go away. Communicate your worries to your spouse, work together to resolve the problems. Remember that marriage is not supposed to be one way, with both people working towards the same goal the possibilities are endless.