“Defining Essay” -Bobbie Sue Lawrie 4G
Bobbie Sue Lawrie
August 30, 2010
Each step you take to the thought that comes across your mind. You remember. Whether living in the moment is good or bad, positive or negative, sad or even happy. It’s still a factor and sense of being there. Without much thought tears weld to my eyes like the glue a good man uses on a bad day. I remember all the people that matter in my life, and the people that didn’t quite so much matter, but still made it a point to make my life the way it is. My Uncle was the only man to hold my heart.
My uncle Allan, stood by my side no matter how bad of a day he was having he managed to call me by my famous nickname that he gave me just 12 years ago. “Bobbie Sue Harley.” I remember why I received this nick name, it was because I could not pronounce my own last name. Having the kindergarten teacher in a jumble, I insisted that my name was what I said it was. My uncle a big and lofty man told me over and over again: “Be all that you can be, don’t let no man run or change who you are, make all that you can of your life, value all the people in your life, never cry without reason, but of reason of tear and heartfelt, stand up be proud of who you are, what you have done, you just be Bobbie Sue.” I remember those very words. Over the years he chanted to me over and over again, telling me of all the wrongful things he has done. My uncle inspired to be inspired. I trusted him with more then what I should have. My uncle, as crazy as he stood, cared for not just me but everything he possessed. All of his skills and words of wisdom were yet in great hands.
A part of me died when I came to find that my uncle had committed suicide, by hanging himself from his own belt, in an insane asylum’s bathroom. Not allowing my tears to escape my body I embraced the sky with my eyes and shook anger at the heaven’s above. I rocked back and forth, in shock. My Uncle is gone, not just in thought but in physical stature. In the funeral home I showed no remorse, no sense of being anything. I walked with a mummy like state, moved in a slow mannered way. I remember not being able to let myself feel.
Still to this day 5 years later, I am angry at him. With several questions to run by him. When I get to heaven I will be sure to pick my bone with him. Then I realize I can’t stand around being mad at my Uncle. It will soon turn to me being mad at myself for letting his words slip, out of mind out of sight. The worst possible thing I could do is let him down, and fail. My goal for seeking the right college is to not keep myself in mind, but my Uncle as well. He inspired me to be the artist, singer, dancer. I move because he moved me to be moved. It was not just for me but for him as well. Everything I do, every move I make I do it because he led me where I am today.
In comparison, to every man on earth. I vowed to myself that I will let my uncles words ring through my body and onto my future children’s minds. To this day I compare men to my uncle. If you are not great, and have a sense of realization your not going to be in my life. Everything a man does to me I realize “Your just like him, you died off to.” In an angry tone I have regret of even comparing someone to my uncle.
Amongst, all the people in my life I carry the title of being the first to not only go to college but move away for college and have a diverse sense of direction for when I go out into the real world. Every night I cry, laying in my bed sulking. I take deep breathes get out of bed come to school and do whatever it is I got to do. I look to the sky and think to myself quietly. “One day I want to go all out, leave my mark, and inspire. I want to be just like you. In heaven and living off the easy Button.”