Marriages today have become like electronic gadgets. If in trouble, people don’t try too hard to fix it; they rather throw it away and find a new and a latest one. Once a divorced person gets married to a new partner, he/she understands that the new relationship is like a newer version of old software; it has only cosmetic improvements, it costs more, it demands more resources and it has more bugs!
Fun apart, a divorce, despite becoming dime a dozen, still has the potential to create deep emotional scars on the people who undergo it. The bitter experience of a failed marriage and the consequent divorce definitely changes one’s outlook on marriage. Let us see some of them:
A divorcee tends to lose respect in the sanctity of the institution of marriage. A divorcee tends to become pessimistic in the idea of a marital bond lasting a lifetime. Self justification and self-rightism goads one to believe that remaining loyal to one’s partner despite all the despicable qualities of the other person can never be thrust upon someone by swearing on the greatness of the institution of marriage. Calling a marital relationship a spiritual bondage appears to be a bogus claim.
Despite the pessimism, a divorcee is also confused about the alternatives, if any, to marriage. People are essentially domestic animals; they need a home and a hearth; they need a partner for emotional support; they need a person of opposite sex for relieving the natural, biological sexual urges; they need financial support; they need a partner to give a social respectability to their children. But, they get exasperated at the near total lack of an alternative to marriage that can be socially acceptable.
How about Living together? The option of living together at times may look very tempting to a divorcee, who is yet to recover fully from the wounds of a divorce. But if one thinks deeper, it becomes more confusing. Living together, per se, is a concept built upon mistrust. It is a concept founded on selfishness and unwillingness to take up responsibility. That looks to be an option worth experimenting to some divorcees, but for many, it looks to be from the frying pan to the fire.
“For whatever happened in the past, I am not the cause. It is squarely the fault of my partner that led us to divorce. I am okay. He/she is not okay. I will prove this by getting married again and leading a successful married life” – such a determination comes to some people. Either, basically they have faith in the institution of marriage or they are not the types who do any intellectual hairsplitting on the time tested social practices. At least to demonstrate their determination, they will be very cautious in dealing with their new partner so that nothing unsavory happens in a similar pattern as in the previous marriage.
All said and done, it is extremely difficult to generalize. Each individual is different and the causes and pains associated with the divorce can be too wide and varying. A lot depends on the individual’s attitude and aptitude towards marriage for the new relationship to blossom successfully.