Humor: How Not to Make New Year Resolutions

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Every one of us have a list of bad qualities and habits in us that we would like to get rid of, if only we can. The difficulty to get rid of a bad habit is directly proportional to the intensity with which we are attached to it. That being the reality, why unnecessarily make a new year resolution and then end up with status quo within a week or two?

Not convinced? Are you really serious about making a start in turning over a new leaf from the new year? Then try to grasp some “don’t dos”, so that you can taste a little of success in your endeavor!

Do not take resolution to get rid if something that’s too attractive to you

In India, visiting the Holy Place Varanasi (Also known as Kasi) at the banks of Ganges is considered a sacred duty, to be undertaken by every earnest Hindu at least once in a life-time. Hinduism insists on developing detachment and dispassion as a necessary quality to progress in spiritually. One of the “to-dos” when you take a dip at the Ganges at Varanasi is to renounce a food item you are very much attached to.

Do you know what majority do? They will renounce something they normally don’t like eating! Say, an eggplant. Or people will renounce garlic but retain onion! You can take a clue from such people. If at all you want to take a New Year resolution to renounce something, renounce something that hurts you the least! Perhaps you can take a resolution to develop the habit of thrift by not indulging in buying a costly birthday gift to your spouse! Declare the first half of the resolution (“habit of thrift”) to your spouse on New Year eve and judiciously drive home the second half on her birthday!

Don’t be too rigid on the targets

If you are the hard-fighting type who thinks it is better to go out hunting for the tiger and returning unsuccessfully than hunting down a jackal successfully, then it is obvious that resolutions without a time-frame or a success quotient are best suited to you! You can take a cue from Microsoft. Like setting a target date for the release of the next version of Windows and never sticking to it! In the meanwhile they keep fixing the numerous bugs in the previous versions! Likewise, you can take a fresh resolution for the new year; let it lie in the back bench while you can concentrate on trying to fix the unsuccessful resolutions you made 3, 4 years ago!

Don’t be too specific about the scope of a resolution

Suppose you are troubled by your smoking habit. Then don’t take a foolish resolution like: “I will quit smoking this year”.

You can take another cue from Microsoft. I knew a lot of people who migrated to Windows-Vistas frantically wanted to go back to Windows XP. (That many people wanted to go back to Windows 98 when Windows XP was introduced was history!). Likewise, if it is cigarette-smoking that troubles you, upgrade yourself to smoking Cigars or better still, Marijuana! Now, make your resolution: “I will quit smoking cigarettes”. See! With the successful up-gradation, you can readily taste success in your new-year resolution!

Don’t force yourself into a resolution when time and nature can come to your help

Keep enjoying your smoking till the lungs get a puncture or two. Enjoy your drinks till liver Cirrhosis sets in. Eat junk food to your fill till cholesterol takes the responsibility of giving a well deserved rest to your heart. After getting admitted into a hospital (you had always longed for a break from your workaholic habits – remember your resolution the year before last?), your doctor and your family will not permit you to continue with those habits any longer! See how you got relieved of your bad habits without the bother of taking a resolution!

What more do you want?


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