If I were a single man, I wouldn’t pursue anything with a woman. I know what a lot of you are thinking, but I wouldn’t pursue anything with a man either. I would try to find something constructive to do with my life other than having sex. There may be those occasional times when my knees would get weak and I would have to fight off temptation to keep myself from going down a dark alley somewhere, but I would find the strength to move on. I am not saying never, but I think I would fare a lot better than I used to 15 years ago.
At thirty eight years of age I am questioning the purpose of sex for a single person. For married people there are plenty of reasons to have sex. If anything you have to fight to make time for sex; clear your schedule, take your vitamins, eat a full meal, clear your mind and your conscious and go to work. You may want to have children, or you might be trying to find ways to keep your relationship in tact before either of you stray and act outside of the relationship, or one of you convinces the other to bring a third party into the relationship. Don’t act as if you some of you do not know what I am talking about.
When I met my wife, I was 23, and still a virgin. Sex meant a lot to me and I wanted it to be right, so staying a virgin wasn’t that difficult. Plus I was clumsy and wasted time talking to girls, in hopes that I would get close to them, and wasted time listening to girls problems, again in hopes that I would get close to them. But I found out the hard way that you are not getting closer to girls by spitting game to them and you aren’t getting closer to them listening to their problems. Yet I still held onto that hope that you could get close to them by having intercourse.
Men have their own personal feelings about sex. We are not as mushy and do not wear our heart on our sleeves, but a lot of us still have feelings for girls that we were intimate with. But after me and my wife got together I noticed that sex is a very, very, shallow and almost insignificant way to get closer to someone. This has nothing to do with my wife, but everything to do with what I continued to see around me and what I continued to hear. I don’t think that a man that lends an ear can ever truly learn how to put that ear back into his pocket. So I continued to find myself in that awkward position, but it didn’t matter because I had mine at home and I wasn’t trying to impress anyone anyway.
So I often wonder what it must be like for single people these days. I think that sex may have died for my generation sometime back in the nineties. Somehow between the glaringly obvious songs that we heard on mainstream radio, the way that sex has been represented through the underground culture, third or fourth wave feminism (depending on who you ask), and gorging on pornography online sex just does not seem to mean what it used to. People get into all sorts of things and then they cannot develop an appetite for old fashioned traditional sex. There used to be a time when people just wanted to hook up, but these days if you are not bringing a friend or there is not any party to be found people simply do not want to be bothered with you.
Individuals are expected to do all sorts of deviant sexual acts, and then they do but they still find themselves alone and bothered. They expect you to let them get their kicks off elsewhere while you are trying to be faithful. They develop all types of long term relationships outside of the relationship they have with you and expect you to be okay with the fact that they feel that they are in love with more than one person. There was a time that men were asking women to do all of these things, but now the men are at home in front of the computer, and the women are out partying.
A single person has to stare at someones face to see if they might have a cold sore; but the irony of this is that they probably have herpes themselves and are unaware of it. A single person has to decide whether or not they pursue people online or talk to the people right in front of them. They always have to look good and have to waste a lot of money on expensive clothes, makeup, and gym memberships. With everything they do, it is never quite good enough because they remain single. Sex simply is not what it used to be, for anyone single or married. People just give of themselves freely, and all you want is that connection that comes with a deep friendship, but you are not going to find that anytime soon.
The thing about it is that we are sexual beings. We can try as hard as we want to, but our sexuality is going to resurface and express itself in unusual ways. I am not going to sit here and lie to you and tell you to do all of these orthodox things that I found it difficult to do, and at the same time I can’t tell you that there is no satisfaction to be found in pursuing an upright life either, because there is. There are a lot of regrets that I simply do not have; a lot of lost opportunities, but clearly, opportunities that would have destroyed me that I needed to miss out on. At the end of the day our sexuality is a gift from God; we do not self-reproduce like some other creatures, and it does serve a purpose. When it is all over and done with that is the only reason it was special to begin with …