Changing For a Relationship

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 A person should be who they want to be, never change to make another person happy.  The worst thing you, or anyone else could do, is go into a relationship trying to be someone you aren’t.  It is healthy to consider your needs, your wants, your dreams and aspirations in life and to act upon them to make them happen. 

Sometimes the request to change comes from a true concern for your well-being; however it when it is laced with critism, and belittlement it can be used as a form of control. See my previous articles about abusive relationships.

You have to ask yourself – these questions before you make a decision

1. What does he or she expect from a partner – is he/she looking for a partner, to love or is he/she looking to make themselves feel better or to control.

2. What do you want in a partner? You have to be true to your heart. If you aren’t true to your heart then you will only end up resentful in the future.  Everyone deserves to be treated with kindness and respect.

3. Are you in love with the man or woman, as a person, who he or she is or the “ideal” of what they represent or symbolize for you?  Are you being realistic about a future with this person?

4. Is he or she in love with you, the REAL you or is he or she trying to change you into the person that he or she wants you to be? 

If he or she is trying to change you as a person then he or she doesn’t like who you are, and if that is the case then why is he or she with you?  More important question, why are you wiling to engage in a relationship with someone who doesn’t love your for you?  

Most important rule of dating – love me for me, not for who you want me to be.

Remember that no matter what your flaws are you must have self-esteem, self-worth, and always self-love.  You are perfect, in your own imperfect way and your life is a beautiful little mess that works just for you, and that is okay.  Accept yourself and love yourself for who you are.  If he doesn’t feel the same then he isn’t good enough to be with you anyway.

Ultimately you have to be true to yourself, changing yourself for the better is always a good thing, but a person, woman or man never changes just because they were bullied, yelled at, or nagged at.


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