Love and sex are twoattributes of life that nature has given to all living organism. The question is, are these two attributes independent? Or can we say one emanates from other? If so, then which one begets other? Restricting the discussion to the most evolved creature on earth, the matter becomes more complex. In fact, when we want to delve into the matter still deeper we must be careful in understanding the meaning of related words like emotions, sentiments, sacrifice, caring, commitment etc. which somehow or the other way are located in and around the two critical words in this discussion: love and sex.
Before the adolescence, we should probably agree that there is perhaps no sense of sex. Literally speaking we are not mature enough to be inclined towards making sexual intercourse. With the advancement of age, as the sex hormones (testosterone and estrogen) starts gushing in blood, the desire to have intercourse increases. A phenomenon that is completely natural. No nonsense. Till the time we talk of pure sex/intercourse there is no question of beauty or love. That is why perhaps the masturbation also works to douse the fire.
Now as the desire to explore the ways to calm down one’s heat expands, the most satisfying means available before us is the opposite gender. Nature supports it. Why ? A big question in the origin of life… So far as the interest in opposite gender goes by the interpretation is made complex because of the involvement of many other allied factors. These factors are the outcomes of living in a society where there is purpose, need, articulation, and many other human attributes which humans have developed over the period of evolution and its struggle with nature for making it fittest.
The question is will a person do sex with equal interest and intimacy to each and every one available? This question is because if sex goes by being under the influence of hormones then there should not be any difference in having sex with anybody. But practically, the sex hormones secretion and status in blood are governed by external parameters like physical beauty, compatibility, and partner’s interest. So somehow it seems that sex although an independent attribute of body is significantly affected by other physical and non physical parameters either in the same person or in the partner.
We can say that the intensity of having sex with a partner varies with other set of factors. Given the condition, the desire of having sex fluctuates and so the degree of satisfaction.
The physical beauty is an important factor out of the above mentioned factors which governs and regulate the sexual desire. Till the time, sex is pure sexual intercourse it can be done with anyone irrespective of beauty and vigour but when it becomes an act in a modified environment or in a system created by human or under some simulated conditions imposed directly or indirectly by human, the sex becomes choosy and is altered on the basis of conditions.
In an evolved system of human beings the love is an emotional attribute that we have developed perhaps to a greater extent than in other animals (You can question it). If crudely I define love for time being (although difficult) it means an emotional relationship where a person likes to perform or behave for another. When this sense attains intensity, this turns into the level of sacrifice.
Now coming back to love and sex, when we have understood that love can exist without sex and sex can exist without love. When is the moment that the two independent attributes come closer and starts influencing each other? I say it is the post adolescent age with an opportunity to be in company with opposite gender that the love and sex comes closer and starts affecting each other. It is completely individualistic and circumstantial that sometimes sex begets the love between them and sometimes love leads to sex.
In a conventional classical Indian marriage, love cannot germinate until the two opposite genders have opportunity (post marriage) to have sex. That means two people, first are guided by the desire to have sex and then slowly they start liking each other’s attributes that finally ends up being in love. The other way round is the modern Indian and ever time western style where people have opportunity to know and explore each other and then finally settles to have sex (I mean permanent) through marriage. It reflects that the direction is not important between sex and love. They coexist and can lead to each other.
The big question which now arises is about the perpetuation of these two natural attributes. Love is lost and sexual desire wanes. In a married life (ideally speaking about a situation where the permanent sexual as well as love relationship is accepted without fuss) with change in persona over time the moods change. Between both the partners where sex and love are mutual, the intensity of these two attributes starts fluctuating with each other’s mood. Here no one can claim that he is he/she is being exploited sexually or emotionally. The disinterest and acceptance of a compulsive sexual intercourse is no way a guideline to discriminate between sex and love. If under some circumstances it is there, it is solely because one is physically or mentally able to dominate the other. Sex done under pressure is sere satisfaction of hormonal urge. If out of bed there is any hint of loss of love it should be clearly perceived by partners. With masculine side I would like to vouch that they feign for anything to lure and persuade the feminine partner to go to bed even if they are not in love with them. I remember Shidney Sheldon wrote in her novel “men are most soft when they are most hard”. So females should be keen on judging the difference in mood of her partner in bed and out of bed.
With sex, two typical characteristics are associated that is the “challenge and change” (Perhaps you will agree). When the opposite sex is not easily available the charm keeps one on toe and the desire survives. The moment it has been achieved, the sexual desire loses its one pillar of supports. Now it runs by another attribute that is change. Till the partners find single last change in sexual play between them, it goes smoothly. Once the possibility of change dies the drive of sex dies. The sex then absolutely becomes temporary and governed by simple hormone. There remains little space for emotion to oil in. So irrespective of the way of origin of sex partners feel less chanted to it and carry it on because they are under the magical bondage of marriage: no chance to change
Similarly, love goes by till the factors are favourable and it perpetuates with ups and downs in the life. It is noteworthy that love is strengthened by the nature of sex and sex is encouraged by the intensity of love. A good sexual life helps maintain the love longer. When two people are in love they tend to indulge in sex more often spontaneously. So in a larger perspective sex ends up in love and love ends up in sex. The perpetuation of either is very-very mutual and individualistic. In a relationship it is important to take care of both the sex and love. Sex and love are two separate entities but are so richly engrossed and entangled in any relationship that they cannot be viewed separately. The mutual assault emerging out of breach in either of these two attributes is sole and whole responsibility of the partners. They should ask was there any compromise at these two attributes before getting into the relationship? If no then they should try best to sort out the small reasons which is threatening their love and sex. Ask partner what he needs and how he needs? If at the first instance you have enter into a relationship very consciously assessing the intensity of love and the desire to have sex and you had not compromised with either, there is no reason you cannot sort out the disagreement between you. The solutions very much lie in between you. Just look for them. If your relationship was opportunistic and based on compromise of any of these two attributes (love and sex), be prepared to face the salt. You will have complaint against your partner.