Imagined Infidelity

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It seems, according to recent survey by a magazine, that around 30 % of men and 25 % of women, will, when pressed admit to having extramarital sex. The question becomes one of what may be considered as cheating on one’s partner, and what is not. The perceptions about this, you would imagine very straightforward question do seem to vary quite widely

In one scenario you could picture, a girl may dislike the fact that her lover enjoys watching pornography, because it proves they can get turned on by seeing people other than her performing sex acts. That is one, admittedly extreme case, but then again, is the girl who has no objection to being the other woman, as long as her lover actually only feels emotional bonds with her.

Then again, where heterosexual couples are involved, can the man be said to be really cheating on his girl, if he has sex with another man, or she with another girl? This is such a delicate one to even think about handling, because, while lots of men fantasize about a threesome with two girls, they do not want the ladies to be too fond of each other sexually, because from his point of view, he should be the centre of attention.

Infidelity, it seems, comes in two varieties, there being the physical type of cheating behaviour, which is difficult for any perpetrator to deny, but then again, there is also emotional infidelity, a much more ghostly problem, and very hard to pin on somebody.  Let’s face it, if you go ahead and sleep with someone else, you can easily end up paying a heavy price.

What if, however, the cheating you are considering doing is all in the mind?  You will have found, no doubt, on more than one occasion, that you were out somewhere with your sexual partner, and found yourself not only noticing, but feeling a strong attraction, for somebody else.  You did not, of course, follow through with any direct action, but does the fact that the attraction existed make you guilty of emotional infidelity?

Whilst physical infidelity lends itself to easier definition, it may actually, in real terms, be less harmful to a relationship than the emotional sort, especially if it were to be a one-night, never to be repeated event, but in the end, any sexual partner you cheat on will secretly dread that, having done it once, you just might re-offend.

Having different standards, between loving couples, is hardly unusual, but what you and your partner have to be clear on is where you draw the line, and what the consequences can be for stepping over it. When an act of infidelity has so little meaning as to pose no possible threat to your relationship, why do it at all? The deceit and secrecy that accompany such betrayal are the things terribly wrong about it.

It is, of course, a sad fact that there are those for whom monogamy never will have any meaning, never content with relationships they have, because they always ponder what it is they might be missing. These are the worst kinds of lovers. Strangely enough, these types seem to be possessed of extra animal magnetism, and while they fail in the regular partner stakes, they rarely go short of sex.

For most people, the question of what their cheating habits are never actually arises, because most people are happy to settle for a stable relationship, once they have had their fill of wild oat sewing.  Infidelity is, some will argue, a perfectly natural thing, what nature intended, the widespread distribution of the gene pool, but human society changed all that, making monogamy the right way to behave. For better or worse, it surely is better to allow yourself a little fantasizing, than the trouble actual infidelity can cause.

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