Monday, December 11

Are You Setting Yourself Up For Disappointment in Adoption?

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“Once we decided to adopt, I felt I needed to put some boundaries around when it would happen,” Janet shared over lunch. “I mean I am a list person, I like to get things off my list and I have been working on getting pregnant for four years and I just want a baby,” she went on.

Some families put pressure on themselves by setting a goal of when they will adopt. “I just really feel this is our year…that we will adopt by the end of 2011,” she added.

Other parents feel they must be parents by a certain age, for example, “by my 35th birthday, we WILL have our baby.” This type of goal-setting may not really be healthy. It adds unneeded pressure not only to the adoptive mother and her spouse, but all the people trying to help her adopt the right child. Some hopeful adoptive parents try to force an adoption. Much like forcing a green fruit to ripen, it often doesn’t and sometimes rots. Some things can’t be forced and adoption is one of those.

Adoption and the process of adopting is completely different from other life goals, such as professional accomplishments or owning a home. The same goal-setting techniques may not apply to adoption. As a high achiever myself, I understand how hard it is to hit a glass ceiling and then have to wait. This can sometimes become one of the most difficult times in your life if you don’t take the time and learn how to turn your thoughts and feelings inside out and be patient. In adoption, patience is the key to your success.


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