Relationships in the bedroom require fun and some work. It doesn’t mean you have to change who you are but you might want to consider what you are looking for.
I am a single baby boomer over 60. I still enjoy being sexually active. Since that didn’t change with menopause I’m going to say I’ll probably be sexually active until the day I die.
If you are reading this any saying, “oh gross!” then this isn’t the article for you. But there are many men and women out there over 60 who want to remain sexually active.
What happens if one partner has no interest in sex anymore? The other partner may stray or they may get divorced or they might just choose to suffer through it. I finally asked the last married man who propositioned me why he did it.
First of all, I am not skinny but nor am I fat. I don’t look like Sophia Loren but I’ve been told I have a wonderful smile and great eyes. I get attention from attached men and single men of all ages. Why? I smile, I flirt, and I’m not threatening.
Please understand that what I am writing is not meant to make judgements on any way of thinking. It is only meant to pass on some information from a man’s perspective.
As we age, things start breaking down, not working as well. Women are pretty good at talking to and complaining about all the changes with their female friends. They also listen and empathize with their male partners a little more readily. They usually accept the changes a lot easier than men do.
Men, on the other hand, find it very difficult to deal with the breakdown of their bodies. Not only are they dealing with aches and pains but their whole libido is affected by the aging. Many Baby Boomers have been brought up to be the hunters and the protectors. As the testosterone level dissipates, the muscles lose their strength. Men lose the ability to do things they had done for years. How can they continue to play their male role?
A lot of men gradually require more help in the bedroom too. They still expect to perform at the level they did years before and are frustrated when it doesn’t’ happen, even with the assistance of products like viagra or cialis. It doesn’t matter how supportive their partner is. The men feel like failures.
The next step after the age 60 and failure in the bedroom is to look beyond their own bedroom and go elsewhere. It’s not that they’ve quit loving their wife or partner. They often still do very much. They just feel the need to prove that they are still virile.
In an outside relationship they can be someone totally different. There isn’t any previous sexual history. Whoever they are at the moment is the only expectation.
I’m sure there are women out there reading this right now and saying “So get over it. It doesn’t matter!” The men are saying it does, so listen! I know it is difficult for women to understand any of this unless their partner has withdrawn totally from them. Of course there is guilt on the man’s side but somehow they feel that it will make their own relationship better.
My friend and I finally started to discuss other possible solutions instead of seeking an outside relationship. What it mainly came down to in his relationship was the lack of fun anymore. When he had first met his wife, they had an extremely passionate relationship. They pushed the limits on sexual activity. Over the years, their sex life became rather boring. It wasn’t as much fun. As they aged, he was afraid to re-introduce anything from their past activities in case he was rejected. Better to be rejected by someone else than the woman he loved!
The man is not looking for the perfect specimen of youth. He is not looking for the constant sexual activity that goes on for hours. He’s looking for the romance and lovemaking that makes him feel like the hunter again. He came up with his list of ways to have more fun in the bedroom. These ideas of course need to be acceptable to both partners through communication with the woman you care for. How can both of you re-develop those roles of romance?
1. Go shopping with your partner for special clothing like high heels and nylons and lingerie. The woman doesn’t have to be petite and tiny to look good in them.
2. Check with your partner to see what kind of clothes she likes seeing you in and then get them.
3. Learn to give massages to one another.
4. Introduce battery-operated toys. It’s fun even going shopping together for them.
5. Set the scene with candles and incense and a favorite bottle of wine or other libations or even other substances one or both of you enjoy.
6. Share fantasies and even act some of them out occasionally.
There are many things you can do to recapture the fun in your relationship in the bedroom. One of the things that really help women too is for men to find out what turns their woman on. Just because something worked in another relationship, doesn’t mean it works for her. So many men (and women) come to the relationship with preconceived ideas.
It’s kind of like sports, guys. Just because you like football doesn’t mean she’s going to like football. Have fun figuring out what sports you enjoy together. It really doesn’t matter how old you are or how well your libido works. Learn to enjoy each other again and have fun doing it, even after 60!