The people who need to lose weight fast because of some type of event that is coming up very soon. Like I get this one all the time. “Hey, I have a wedding to go to in 3 weeks and I need to lose like 25 pounds fast, what can I do?” They really expect me to write back with the answer they are hoping for. I also love the ones that I get a few weeks before summer starts. “Summer is coming up next week and I need to lose 80 million pounds! What should I do?” Ok, 80 million is an exaggeration, but you get my point. Granted, no one wants to workout and eat right and get their results slowly, but is fast weight loss really possible? Is there a diet and/or workout you can do or a pill you can take or a machine you can use that will make the pounds come off faster? I’m going to crush a lot of people’s hopes and dreams here, but the answer is NO. …And here’s why.
First off, the right amount of weight that the average person should hope and try to lose a week when eating and working out correctly is something like 1 or 2 pounds a week. That is a good, healthy, safe, smart, effective amount to lose. That right there is fast weight loss. So if you are losing weight at that speed, then hang on tight, because you are going the maximum weight loss speed limit! Yup, 1 or 2 pounds lost a week. Not as fast as most people would hope for, but sadly, that’s just the way it is. You just can’t lose weight fast, or at least, as fast as many people would like to. Aside from all of the obvious health risks and possible negatives of losing any more than that a week, losing anymore than 1 or 2 pounds a week means you are losing muscle, not fat. As you can guess, that’s not good.
The next question someone might have now is about all of those pills and products that promise fast weight loss. And they back up their claims too. They show before and after pictures of people who lost a lot of a weight in a very short amount of time. They have pictures!!!! They can’t be lying!!!! These are good people! They only want to help people lose weight fast!! They would never lie just to get our money right?!?!?!?!? WRONG! Before and after pictures are the biggest bunch of bullshit there is. Before and after pictures are so faked that I am having trouble typing this just laughing at the thought of them being actual truthful pictures showing the great results someone got with whatever useless fast weight loss crap they are trying to sell you. Aside from the obvious easy ways of faking them such as putting the head on another body (it’s been done) or showing real before and after pictures, except that they were taken 5 years apart instead of 6 weeks apart like they claim (it’s been done too), another wonderful faking method is used that some people don’t think of. They take a person with an already great body (who got that way by working out correctly and eating right for years) and call that the “after picture.” They then get this same person to gain weight. Once they gain enough, they take a picture and call it the “before picture.” Yes ladies and gentleman, fast weight loss at it’s best!
But my all time favorite lose weight fast bullshit is still to come. This next one always puts a smile on my face, and if you look close enough, you will see it too. There are commercials on TV for all kinds of gimmick weight loss diets and pills and products that all promise fast weight loss. First they bullshit to you… whoops, sorry… I meant “tell you the amazing features of their product” and then show you people, actual people, who used this product or diet and were able lose weight fast. Sometimes they just show their “real” before and after pictures, but sometimes they have the actual people standing there talking. They show you a before picture while this person talks over it and says “I hated my body. I tried everything but nothing ever worked… UNTIL NOW!!!! I lost 50 pounds using ::insert useless crap here:: in just 4 WEEKS and look at me now!!” As funny as it already is, that isn’t even the half of it yet. Here comes the real best part. At this point in the commercial, if you put on your glasses, walk all the way up to your TV, bend down, and put your face 2 inches from the screen…. if you look close enough, in small tiny letters that you can just barely read, you will see writing that says something like: “These results are not typical.” Excuse me for a second… HAHAHAHAHA!!!
I’m laughing just remembering these fast weight loss commercials. I swear I am not making this up. Most weight loss commercials do this. Sometimes it says “These results are not typical” or sometimes it might say “Just like every body is different, so are their results. You may not get these results.” or it will just say something that basically means “The person we are showing you right now who says they lost 50 pounds in 4 weeks is a lying idiot. We are lying to you. We want your money, so we made up all of this stuff so you buy our useless lose weight fast product. Don’t expect to get results ANYTHING even close to these that we are showing you. We only show you them so you think you will get these results, even though you really won’t. We are assholes. But who cares, because we got your money. We laugh at you because you think fast weight loss is possible. Now that we have this statement on the commercial somewhere, you can’t use the product, see no fast results, and then try to sue us for false advertising. Sucks for you don’t it? Thanks for your money, maybe we will all buy a new car with it. See ya later.”
Wow, I wonder why they make this part of the commercial so hard to see? This just helps prove the fact more and more. Fast weight loss doesn’t exist, unless of course your idea of fast weight loss is losing 1 or 2 pounds a week. There is no machine, no special type of cardio, no special diet, no special workout, no special pill, no special anything, that will allow you to lose weight fast safely and healthily. If these people who want such fast results so badly got off their asses and put half their effort that they put into finding a fast “quick fix” and put it into actually working hard, they probably would have lost the weight by now. I’ve said it once and I’ll say it a million times, just eat right and workout correctly. Do it and keep doing it. It won’t happen fast, but it will happen. Be consistent. Never stop. Work hard and stay dedicated. Don’t be satisfied until you get EXACTLY what you want. And like magic… weight loss happens.