Sunday, December 17

Marriage Will Only Work When You Are in Love With Your Spouse (And Some of us Need to be in Love With God in Order to Love Our Spouse)!

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I’ve read a lot of articles from women extolling the virtues of marriage.  But every single article focuses on the material and practical benefits of being married.  Too many articles suggest that sex is a benefit of being married. Excuse me, sex without the guilt of sin perhaps but sex gets old.  You go from having sex three of four times a day to three of four times a month without even realizing it.  Some people have sex once a year.  If you want sex, you may as well stay single.

If one of your sole reasons for marrying this person is to have sex without the guilt, you have another thing coming to you.  Marriage means sex without the lust, all of the bad, dirty things that make single people act foolish and throw caution to the wind.  It is not a matter of being attractive to your spouse, but it is a matter of finding other ways to show your appreciation and just how deep your love is.  The sex thing lasts for a few years.  But what these writers are not telling you is that marriage is not a cure all for the true problems in a relationship.  People still want to sleep with other people they are not married to.  They may not do it in the beginning, but that doesn’t prevent them from cheating later on down the line.

Marriage is about a commitment that you made to the other person and to God.  Your love for that other person will come and go, after all love is as much an act as it is a fuzzy feeling.  But your love for God is the only thing that will keep you from breaking those vows.  It is the only thing that will keep you from getting divorced, it is the only assurance that this is going to work.  We live in a society where there is no shame or guilt in being divorced; and that is understandable considering what people who are divorced have to do to cope with the fact that it did not work out.  No one wants to be a failure.  No one wants to break a commitment; if I wanted to be single I never would have gotten married.

But that doesn’t mean that if I were to ever get divorced that you will find me at strange clubs being involved in illicit orgies either.  It means that my mind has been renewed, and that I am trying to do the right thing.  It means that if you find yourself in that situation you try to stay a virgin, a secondary virgin, until your wedding night.  You have to put forth that effort, that is what marriage is truly about.  Your feelings will change, you will not have any control over your emotions and you will be distraught but the feelings can always come back again.  People get married because they are in love with each other, and have a strong conviction to do the right thing by that other person.  

You can give me a million studies that tell me that my life would be stable, I would be a happier and “more of a man” by getting married but if I am not with the right woman it is not going to happen.  At the same time I do not spend a lot of time with a woman that is not the right one for me either.  You know if you are with the right one within a couple of years.  Some of us struggle and it takes us ten years but you know in your heart what is right.  But staying together the majority of your life with someone, that isn’t right.  Yet that could be easy for me to say, because my outlook on marriage is different.  The bottom line is that you cannot sell someone onto marriage; a man has to be love with you, you should be in love with him, but the rest does not take care of itself.  There are going to be hard times, immediately, the day after you get married.  There is going to be temptation, you will go through trails and tribulations, but you do it together and you stay by their side.  For better or for worse; if you cannot see yourself with that person when times are hard do not marry them …


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