Fertility is reduced with age, and conceptions times for mature couples are longer. Don’t let a few months of waiting to conceive make you and your partner feel inadequate, which can lead to discord in your relationship. One important aspect of preconception care is making sure you feel hopeful and remain emotionally balanced.
Looking After Your Self
The monthly ritual of counting down to your optimal conception days and then waiting for the time of your next period can deplete your emotional energy. There are various strategies you can use to help you and your partner maintain an equilibrium.
Devising A Monthly Routine
Because the waiting phase may last many months you may want to devise the least elaborate monthly routine acceptable to you and your partner. Decide on one method to assess your fertile days and make sure that it feels natural and simple to you. For some women the temperature or cervical mucus method works while others use an ovulation calculator on their computers and mark their calendars accordingly. Stick to just one method. Using several at once may lead to an obsessive preoccupation with conception.
Finding Compassionate Support
After repeated unsuccessful attempts to become pregnant, feelings of disappointment and inadequacy can dominate your thoughts. You may wonder whether you will be able to conceive at all. Sharing these emotions with are women who have gone through the preconception phase or are currently doing so can be reassuring, and the advice and support you receive can bring back your positive out look. Relevant support groups can be found on the internet and in your local community. Alternatively you might consider seeing a professional counselor.
Becoming A Parenting Team
Your partner will bring his own hopes and fears to the process of becoming a parent. Traditionally, mothers have been the primary caretakers of children, especially during infancy and many men fear that their wives love will be diverted completely to the baby. It’s always good for both of you to discuss your feelings and remember that your relationship as a couple is really important. Don’t lose sight of this in your attempts to start a family.
Commitment To Parenthood
In an ideal world, both partners in a relationship are equally committed to the process of a planned conception and pregnancy. How ever it may some times be necessary for the more committed partner to make concessions to reward the reluctant partner’s investment of time and effort. A partner may feel happier if for example you could move closer to extended family for practical help or if he could have a regular night out with friends.
Coping With Planned Sex
If you are having any problems or delays in conceiving, you might get to the point where you really need to plan when you have sex to optimize the chances of conceiving. Try not to let the idea of scheduling sex put a strain on your relationship. Instead make the idea of a sex date exciting rather than boring. Leave a suggestive note in his pocket or day planner. Use these times to put aside your every day concerns and focus on your partner. Also remember you don’t have to restrict love making to these times of the month. Focus on the pleasure of being with your partner while having sex rather than on becoming pregnant.
Your Monthly Waiting Cycles
The monthly wait to see whether you menstruate and sharing another failure to conceive can leave you and your partner feeling emotionally drained. Plan for a fertility vacation when you are not trying to get pregnant. Agree on a number of monthly cycles (perhaps once every 4-6 months) where your mind will not be occupied with conceiving. You may plan special times away from home during these weeks and allow your selves an emotional respite.
On Your Own
Single parenting may raise some eyebrows being a trail blazer is never easy. You may have chosen IVF or perhaps decided not to marry the man who will father your baby. You are not alone. More and more women choose not to settle for unsatisfying partnerships in order to have a baby but they still build especially close relationships with their children. A good support network is vital. This network should include a compassionate and capable medical team that you feel comfortable with and that responds to your questions thoughtfully and clearly. Other single parents can also provide valuable support by enabling you to share disappointments and exchange advice with others who have faced similar challenges.
There are also community resources for single pregnant women, information can be found on the internet or at larger hospitals. Birth instructors and your hospital’s women’s center or library often have information on smaller support groups that may suit you.