When I was little I heard my dad say “You can’t pass along perfume with out getting some on your hands.” That didn’t seem sensible to me. Sure you could. Wipe the bottle clean then provide it. Voila, passed perfume as well as your own hands still unscented.
Of course, what he meant was that if you do a great deed of any sort you’ll reap the benefits too. I think offering somebody a compliment is a superb example of that.
A recent exchange having a Psychology Nowadays reader made me ponder the subject. The other evening I had been having a discussion with my partner about a number of areas of frustration in my life, particularly that my talents weren’t being properly appreciated. My partner said all of the proper issues and made some terrific suggestions . Nonetheless, heaving a sigh, I dispiritedly turned back to my personal computer and logged on.
What I found was a lovely letter commenting on some thing I published here. The comments had been well written by an individual of obvious intelligence and that i was delighted. The specifics couldn’t have been far better chosen nor additional timely. My mood lifted just like a summer fog bank and I was happy, energized and eager to start writing once more. I have seen on the faces of other people exactly what I felt on reading those comments – a suffusion of pleasure.
I would hope that the individual who commented on what I wrote enjoyed reading it, that his great feelings are what occasioned his contacting me and so creating my very own. I hope, as the saying goes, that it wasn’t an instance of “the pleasure is all mine”.
When I am uneasy among strangers I’ve lengthy made it a practice to spread out a conversation with a compliment: “What a lovely pin you are wearing” or “That’s an excellent shade for someone of your coloring .” Typically that begins a conversion concerning the item that moves on with other topics. Sometimes it yields nothing more than “Thank you”.
My guess is that the individual to whom I addressed my remark feels momentarily happy about his or her selections. I know I feel superior about having a human interchange, normally accompanied by getting a smile from the other individual. There’s the perfume on the hands bit. Mainly because I said some thing nice to some stranger the moods of a couple have been lifted.
It costs so little, no substantial effort really, to let someone else know that she or he is noticed and appreciated – a fast note or email, a few words. The payoff is generally so much higher than the original expenditure of energy a lot like making love. That’s what offering a compliment is actually, creating pleasure between a couple. I’m all for that. Shouldn’t you be?