Once the offending spouse has come to the realization that having an affair is both morally and physically wrong; rejoice! Because there is hope for the salvage of the marriage and that the affair will soon become a thing of the past!
It is now time for you, the spouse that has suffered to gently encourage your partner, and to display a spirit of openness that you are willing to offer forgiveness because you want to get over the affair, give a hand of love and guidance and repair that trust that both of you once enjoyed. How to get over an affair is not an easy challenge for either party, but both should work together to set the pace for a new journey together on how to get over the affair. Here are some actions that can be taken to help both of you to get over the affair so that the marriage can be where the covenant maker –God Almighty wants it to be.
- Allow for time of reflection and free talk. After dinner, for example, if the offending party wants to speak about issues which may include something about the affair do not dissuade it. It might be sensitive but both of you should seek to get over the affair by doing activities that can bring closure to this. This will give you ideas as to what caused the affair and what measures both of you can implement for progress to take place.
- Learn to listen. Create an environment that stimulates open disclosure. If possible have some soothing music in the background. This should ignite rich fellowship that both of you want to have again and to “forgetting those things that are behind and reaching forth to those things which were before, pressing towards the mark…” (According to St. Paul).
- Give a surprise. Getting over the affair means that you replace your former activities with memorable events. Why not throw a friendly party with ten friends that have both of your interest at heart. It can be to celebrate of a new found hobby or have a night of sharing board games. If your spouse was promoted or rewarded why not have a time of thanks giving with friends. This allows for some amount of relaxation, friendly talks and fun time.
- Seek help. It is wise to have a counselor to guide both of you. Examine and discuss the issues that are affecting you. Solutions should be sought in a methodical manner. Once this process start remember that the issues should be looked at and not the personality. Therefore words like “it is your fault, you started it, you cause it” should not be included in the conversation because these will bring about accusation which will prevent rational conversation.
- Enrich your personal life to feed the relationship. Both of you should try to build up yourself individually for example, borrow books from the library to read, be affiliated to a club, be a part of church- become a member of the choir, to name a few. These types of practice usually stimulate healthy conversation, new discoveries for hobbies; and turn off the focus from the self.
- Celebrate each other with little tokens. Purchase a pen, a book, write some quotations, or make a card to express appreciation of your spouse at home. This activity is usually accepted with great delight. Do not forget that one of reasons for having an affair is because of the lack of attention. Place it on the bed or his favorite part of the house or simply make a presentation to your spouse!
- Pray together. Remember that the family that prays together stays together. Prayer is a spiritual force that unite people and what better means to use to pour out the issues for the day to the all knowing God. This will help both of you get over the affair quicker because God holds both of you accountable to the covenant of marriage.
If these suggestions do not help why not try getting some expert advise.Get instance access to download the seven parts survive an Affair Course from Marriage Sharpa.com