Some part of me I suppose never really blamed her. Another part of me though still hates her for it. So had met someone over the game and had been talking to them a lot recently. Talking about her own problems and had been investing trust in this man over the internet instead of her own boyfriend. Now as far as experience goes this is something that happens with women. They’d rather tell someone completely faceless about their issues than bring them up with someone that they care about. The unfortunate pitfall of this of course is that faceless person begins to give advice, then becomes a shoulder to cry on. Suddenly that shoulder gets very comfortable and well. You see where I’m going with this. Not quite sure how long that little affair went on. Not even sure if she had met up with him. All the emails told me was that she was claiming she loved him. That he was her prince. Her knight in shining armour.
So, what indeed did that make me? The Ogre that she was stuck with? The dragon guarding the castle? Never before had I felt so betrayed. I loved this woman and she was tossing that away like yesterdays newspaper. Immediately I contacted her via her work email. Something along the lines of. “ If this is true, which I suspect it is. You are in for trouble when you get home”. I knew that, immediately she knew what I was talking about. She sent panicked frantic emails. And then called the house when I refused to answer them. I confronted her on the phone. She denied everything. Seconds later. Her emails were all deleted on her account. Funny how we all jump into damage control mode. She came home early, and well I had nothing to show her. I just had to explain what I’d seen. Her face drained of colour and she continued to deny everything. I think…that just made me even more sick. The fact that…I knew it was true. And she still denied it all. Like I was some idiot.
It took her about two weeks to finally admit it. Even then she played down everything. I decided that….3 years together was worth more than that. So. I gave her another chance. For about a week she was very loving, even stopped playing that MMO. If she’d kept it up. Maybe things would have been different. But…no. Before long she was back to her old ways. Back on the MMO. Communication went down again, just as if someone had shot the satellite out of the sky. In fact, things began to actually get worse than they were before. Now there was no love in the relationship. By the time may rolled around. We were just two people living together. No. To me…it was less than that. She was just another part of the furniture. That’s just how much we talked. About this time, she began to get her “ suicidal “ pangs again. I wanted out of the relationship and I think part of her knew it. She kept reminding me that if I ever left her. She’d kill herself. That she’d just die. And well that puts considerable stress on a man who’s primary income is little more than a handout from his well off parents. Looking for a real kind of job, trying to get out of that relationship. And now the threat of having blood on my hands. All of it was enough that one day I woke up and found I was getting gray hairs.