So why am I bothering to publish something like this. I don’t really know. I suppose perhaps its the need for some kind of confession. Or perhaps I just need to finally lay it all out there for myself and…perhaps string a few words of experience to those who are going through a similar situation. Let me start this off by saying. I was never a bad person. At least. I never considered myself to be one. Then again I’m sure Hitler didn’t really think he was all that bad either. I was the kind of guy who did give money to charity when they asked. Who, did stop and give some spare change to the homeless guy on the street. I opened doors for old people, I gave up my seat on the bus. And despite being the big intimidating fellow I am. I always broke a smile passing a person on the street, just to show them I wasn’t to be feared. Oh. And I love animals. Which is actually another one of the little tragedies in this story.
Ok to start off, I had been living with my girlfriend for approximately 3 years. After this time our relationship had pretty much reached that point where we knew one another in and out and there was very little excitement to be had. She had always been well, I suppose borderline bi-polar but she never ever spoke to me about any of her problems. Around may, she had taken to this MMORPG, which one it is, I’ll leave unnamed.( No it wasn’t Warcraft). Suffice to say however she fell pretty deeply into that fantasy world. And it got to the stage were she never wasn’t playing it. She’d sign on for an hour in the morning before work. Then right after she got home, straight on until bed time. And at the weekends…well it was impossible to drag her off it. From maybe 9-10 in the morning right through to midnight.
Our communication dropped severely. I wasn’t completely blameless. I tried to talk to her but at most I got inaudible grunts. Or even the prolonged silence with me having to repeat what I said three or four times before she actually decided to answer me. Usually it was with a “ What!?” forcing me to swallow my pent up aggravation and repeat what I’d said again. Usually answered by another grunt. Despite all this I never really stopped loving her. Usually there were moments in bed ( mostly whilst she was asleep mind you, and no, not in that way you dirty minded people) where I could remind myself why I had fellen for her. It was mostly the closeness. Perhaps that was the part I really missed.
But in time even this began to fade, she became more inwardly drawn, moving deeper into the gamer and further away from me. She hid her computer screen, didn’t like me sitting next to her. And then there was always that smile that she cracked every now and again that she never seemed to show for me anymore. I noticed that the web camera was always on as well. Eventually, paranoia got the better of me. And I decided to crack into her email account. And what I found. Shook my world. And set up the foundations for my own tragedy.