Migrant Nose Picker Arrested Again

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Victoria, BC – A Seattle, Washington man has been deported to his home state after being arrested for the third time for picking his nose on the steps of the Victoria Magistrate’s building.

Phillip Naselouski, a 32 year-old out of work harmonica player was dropped off south of the border today by an elite team of RCMP hygienists following a third incident of nose picking in front of the downtown courthouse, according to a police spokesman.

“This kind of deviant behavior will not be tolerated anywhere in British Columbia, no less on the steps of the courthouse,” said a visibly agitated, Nigel Thrubish, acting commander of the Victoria, BC mounted police who have had numerous run-ins with Naselouski since he was first arrested last spring outside an area McDonald’s.  According to several witnesses on that occasion, the alleged deviant was observed shoving small pieces of a Happy Meal up his nose, then picking them out in the presence of children in the playground area of the fast food restaurant.

“It was horrifying,” said Mildred Hummel of Vancouver who was in town for the day to attend her brother’s graduation from Barber College.  “My Tommy was bouncing around in the cage with the plastic balls when suddenly this pervert pulls part of a Tele-tubby out of his nose, scaring the bejesus out of the poor child.  He didn’t stop screaming for hours,” she added.

Naselouski was detained again in July following a similar incident outside a Michael Bolton concert in Victoria, however no one was in attendance and no charges were brought. 

“This just points up the continuing problem with our open borders,” said Sarah Falin, of the Vancouver Coalition against Immigrants, Visitors, and anyone from the U.S.  “Our Canadian culture is being polluted on a regular basis by American migrant workers, non-workers, quasi-musicians, and disgruntled Iraq War veterans who are desperate to get the sand out of their noses and other orifices.

Though it has not been independently confirmed by anyone in law enforcement, it is suspected that Naselouski is the same individual who was accused last year of farting at the opening ceremonies of the Winter Olympics, thus, forcing the Curling competition into the network Prime-time Television schedule.


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