Autism: Finding Myself

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     Life can be hard and difficult at times. It’s alright though, because without hard times we wouldn’t know what good times were.

     People who are so-called “normal” dread the hard times in life. Having a disability of any kind can make those hard times even worse, but many “normal” people don’t understand or don’t want to take the time to understand. It doesn’t matter if it is a hard time or a good time, a person with a disability just wants to be understood, wants to be treated fairly. Most of all, a disabled person wants to be respected like the rest of society.

     Asperger’s Syndrome is a high functioning autism. I have this. Maybe that is why many people don’t want to get to know me. Maybe that is why people blame things on me, using me as a scapegoat so nobody knows who really did something. I hate it when people do that to me. Just because a person has autism, or any other disabilty, doesn’t mean society can blame things on them, especially things society knows the disabled person didn’t do.

     Yes I am disabled. Yes I have autism. I am quiet and shy. I don’t like people who lie, gossip, and spread lies about others just to make themself look good and innocent. I may be disabled, shy, and dislike many things, but that doesn’t give a person the right to blame me for things I didn’t do or say, then spread that lie around to everybody they talk to. It isn’t right. At least I know what I do and not do, what I say and not say. Should me knowing what I do and say satisfy my inner self? It should, but the gossip and lies others say about me still make me upset and, in some ways, dislike that group of people very much.

     I know I don’t go right up to a person and start a conversation with them. Maybe it’s because I am shy. Maybe it’s because of the autism and the way it effects my brain. Who really knows. Even though it is hard for me to start a conversation with someone, doesn’t mean a person has to shrug me off or not even talk to me. I don’t bite. I may sometimes bark, but I never bite.

     There are things I do, say, and know that seem to irritate people around me. Like oh well people. There are things so-called “normal” people do, say, and know that irritates others too. So get over yourself and realize disabled people live here too. Disabled people will always be around no matter where people go.

     All I ask of people is to stop blaming me for things I didn’t do or say. The things I get blamed for I either don’t know about or care about. People don’t realize that if a person, no matter who they are, doesn’t know a person or something, then that person can’t complain or do anything else about it. Doesn’t that make sense? It makes sense to me, so it should make sense to a “normal” person, but it usually doesn’t. Like come on people. If a person doesn’t know something or somebody, then what are they going to do — absolutely nothing.

     I may know things about who I am, but there are still things about who I am that I am trying to find. So far I am satisfied with who I am. In the future, when I find the rest of me, I know I will be satisfied then too. Are you so-called “normal” people satisfied with who you really are? I doubt all of you are satisfied. The one’s who say they are satisfied with who they are but continue to lie about others and blame them for things they didn’t do or say, are not really satisfied with who they are. Those people are and will never be satisfied with who they are inside.

     So if you see me and I don’t say “hi”, then say “hi” to me. I may be there trying to find myself.


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