Thursday, December 14

When The Tears Stop Coming But The Pain Remains

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Crying is underrated as a body function. Crying has always been an important release physically when one is sad. However, what happens when you can’t cry anymore even though the sadness remains?

 

As the old saying goes, “When you’ve got nothing you’ve got nothing to lose.” Well, for those of us in that boat, a place where we who do not have a significant other, a career, do not own a home and still trying to find the shore of life that old saying applies quite nicely. So with that in mind here we sit on the precipice of a new year of a number I happen to love, 11.

In basic Numerology, eleven is considered to be a Master Number. Ten being the perfect number, eleven represents the exceeding of both. People with this number could be both idealistic and visionary, and they are attracted to the unknown. They can be both unusual, interesting and magnetic personalities. The Number Eleven possesses the qualities of intuition, patience, honesty, sensitivity, and spirituality, and is idealistic. Others turn to people who are ‘Eleven’ for teaching and inspiration, and are usually uplifted by the experience. Eleven bring the gift of spiritual inheritance, is gifted as the “Light-Bearer”. It is the number of the Light within all. Strengthened by the love of Peace, gentleness, sensitivity and insight. Greatest facility is the awareness of Universal relationship. Is related to the energy of Oppositions and the Balancing needed in order to achieve synthesis. Eleven is The PeaceMaker. These aspects of the number eleven fit me well even though this year ending in 10 leaves me sad so hopefully the coming year ending in my favorite number puts me where I am supposed to be, surely much happier then now.

Getting back to the basics in life will help those of us with nothing in regards to lack of companionship, no solid career and not being in our own home that we are paying on rather than renting. For me the basics are love, being with a good woman and a bowl of brown rice with onions and garlic. I wish for all those people in the world that can relate to have their basic interest fulfilled in 2011. The road to get there is a continual challenge no matter what time of the year it is. I have experienced heartache right up to the end of this year. Something radically changed for me in 2010 and that is the lost ability to cry even in my darkest hours which is both strange and a bummer. Without the ability to release tears as a way to relieve sadness in it’s own way I feel like the toxicity of sadness has built up in me. The symbolism for me is that we can suffocate in our own sadness fading away from life or transcend our consistent downers and strive at least for our basic elements of survival.

I have long since passed the point of being tired of being down as I seem to now be consistently numb from it as time has grounded out the sadness to even scrape together a few tears as a means of expression and release. When I wake up in the new year nothing may change on the surface but perhaps there will be a subtle change that at least plants the seed for genuine change in a positive concrete way and maybe if I am lucky tears of joy will come my way in the year ending in 11 and for you too for those that can relate.

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